The Butterfly and the Bear

Striving For Pleasant

 

You ever hear a word and suddenly out of the blue it strikes a chord in you?  It is almost as if it is the first time you are really hearing it or perhaps truly comprehending what it actually means?  A few weeks ago we had Memorial weekend at my parents, everyone came and for two lovely days we lounged by the pool, laughed, ate great food, everyone pitched in and cooked, cleaned, we played a raucous game of Taboo, no one bickered or got on each others nerves, everyone was happy to be there and it was just a really relaxed and wonderful weekend.  At the end of the weekend as she was leaving my sister Claire said to me, “Thank you for being so great this weekend, you were so pleasant.”  The word "pleasant" stood out to me, as if it was the first time I was really understanding exactly what it meant.  I realized that the entire weekend had indeed been pleasant, and everyone involved had behaved in a pleasant manner.  When I was younger if you had described someone as being “pleasant” to me I’d have thought, “Wow, they sound about as fun as a bag of bricks”, I associated pleasant with being staid, boring, and unadventurous.  Now I think to myself, “Say!  That’s someone I’d like to get to know better!”   When Claire said I was pleasant  I realized how much I truly took for granted being pleasant and how much I really enjoyed life when it was simply "pleasant".

I say all this knowing that I can be particularly UNpleasant.  In fact as recently as a few weeks ago I was guilty of being unpleasant, bawdy, boisterous, disagreeable and downright insufferable.  Things that I am repelled by in others I have displayed in myself.  Just recently after a night out where I had a few too many drinks I turned into Dr. Jekyll's loud mouthed and rather unpleasant sister.  My friend informed me that whenever she said something that I apparently disagreed with I would slap her on the mouth.  I would categorize that as highly UNpleasant behavior.  I was mortified and apologised profusely to her of course, (lucky for me she had a good sense of humor about it and accepted my shamefaced mea culpa).  I realised not only am I horrified when others behave that way, but when I am the one being unpleasant and disagreeable I feel downright hypocritical and embarrassed.  If I desire to live a more productive and happier life, if I want to be a certain type of person, then I must learn to be more pleasant.  

So, spurned on by my embarrassment over my own bad behaviour and my newfound comprehension of the word "pleasant", I made a resolution to be decidedly more pleasant.  See, what I didn’t realize when I was younger is pleasant isn’t synonymous with boring, why, a picnic in the park is pleasant!  Strolling on the beach on a summers day: pleasant!  Flowers being delivered from a secret admirer: a pleasant surprise!  Pleasant isn’t dull and uneventful, it's actually rather delightful!  It's living by the golden rule, expecting more from yourself than you do of others, creating the life you wish to live, and above all treating others with love and kindness.  So my new goal is to be pleasant, make good conversation, make sure the people I care for are aware that I indeed cherish and care for them (that means no more slaps on the mouth), enjoy myself and not sweat the small things, create a life that I am proud of and that makes me happy, and lastly, keep the vodka consumption to a pleasant 2 or 3 drink maximum.  

I went searching on the interwebs for quotes referring to the art of being pleasant and lo and behold there was a perfect quote from one of those old Greek guys again!  

“It is impossible to live a pleasant life without living wisely and well and justly. And it is impossible to live wisely and well and justly without living a pleasant life.” -Epicurious

Did these guys have it all figured out or what?  I feel like I will have what I think are these massive epiphany's, and just when I am ready to call the media and hire a sky writer I stumble upon a quote from one of them circa 500 BC that boldly illustrates to me how much I still have to learn about living and being a good person.  Smart guys.  Indeed, they seem like pleasant chaps I would say!  

Here’s to us all having a pleasant summer! 

This little guy has pleasant all figured out!

 

"I wonder what it would be like to live in a world where it was always June". -- L. M. Montgomery

 

It's here!  Summer is finally and officially here!  I feel like I am just waking up from a long slumber. After a looong and very snowy winter followed by a short and rainy Spring, as if overnight summer has arrived!  And for the record it literally was overnight, last week after 10 days of rain and 50 degree weather, Memorial day weekend came and thankfully brought with it 80 degree days and lots of sun.  We had a lovely weekend swimming, lounging, laughing, eating and drinking.  It was one of those weekends where you really enjoy your family, everyone is in a good mood and everyone pitches in to make the celebration a good one.  I felt as if I had been dropped into a resort in a tropical locale!  Since there was really no spring this year, no buildup to summer, laying by the pool soaking in the sun felt totally bizarre, yet blissfully wonderful to me.  So yesterday as I strolled around Manor park and pointed out the sail boats in the water to Terrbear I started thinking once again about my love affair with summer, how despite what it does to my hair, the creepy crawlers and the bug bites, the heat and the sweating, it truly is my favorite time of the year.  As we walked I made  mental notes of what I’m looking forward to doing this summer:

 

Roasting marshmallows over the fire pit with my niece!

Gossip, laugh, and lazily swill gimlets on the porch with my bestie Marge and her hub Stofferman, cuddle and play with my Goddaughter Linnea and her sister Vivi and chillax with some of my favorite peeps when we go to Rehoboth in July! 

Me, Marge and little Linnea

Play in the sand with Terrbear!

 

Dine Al Fresco!

More celebrations and Pimm's Cup by the Pool!  

 

Spend the weekend in New Hope with my Rosie girls!

 

Swim in the Sea, Jellyfish be damned! 

Once again see the love of my life and his band perform live with Blommer!

Swim with Terrbear and soak in that face he makes when the water first hits him, it is a look of both pure delight and glee.

Not the actual "face", but a cute one non the less!

Long walks on the beach and the wonderful feeling of the cool sand between my toes, the warm sun on my skin and the cold tide skimming my feet.

Drinking copious amounts of Iced Tea with my Mother’s freshly plucked

 mint from her garden!

Many more raucous rounds of Ta-booo!

Celebrate Terrbear’s SECOND birthday!  (How is this possible?  Where does the time go?!)

Terrbear Memorial Day 2010

That was a year ago, and look at this big beautiful boy now!  Where did the last year go?!  Nothing demonstrates the passage of time more profoundly than growing children.

 
And now, 23 months!

 

 

And above all else I plan on enjoying my family and friends and counting my blessings!  I’m sure I’ll think of more things when we go out for our walk today, for now though these all sound pretty fabulous to me!  Happy Summer everyone, what are you looking forward to doing and enjoying over the next few months?

Blind Faith

Like most of the world I feel complete horror, helplessness and empathy  for the millions affected and suffering through what has happened in Japan.  Additionally, over the last few days of being glued to the television and compulsively checking CNN.com, I am also becoming uncomfortable with the unanswered questions that are swirling around in my head.  I’m uneasy with the idea that a benevolent God would allow such suffering.  The God I grew up praying to and know and love is kind, is all loving and giving, therefore I am struggling to reconcile what is happening in Japan with my idea of God.

I feel rather schizophrenic, like I am two persons inhabiting one brain right now.  It is as if my id, ego and superego are in constant argument in my head.  There is the  “adult” me and the “child” me.  The child in me keeps asking the adult in me the difficult questions like, “But, why if God created the earth would he make it so imperfect?  Why do natural disasters occur then?  Why so much suffering?  Why must earthquakes (terrible and destructive in their own right) also then cause tsunami's?  And while we're at it, why does cancer exist?”  The adult in me has no answers and naturally gets frustrated by the endless stream of unanswerable questions, so I just shush myself and turn off the news and attempt to distract my childish self.   “Oh, look here, Keeping up with the Kardashians is on, that’s much better than CNN!”.  

I guess I want concrete answers.  I want someone to blame.  As juvenile and simpleminded as it may seem, I want to know who the “bad guys” are in this scenario.  Hitler= bad guy, Genghis Khan=bad guy, Pol Pot=bad guy.  When a bad guy causes human suffering, behind the fear there is still the sense that we can stop it, we can control it, if we take certain measures and precautions we can avoid evil and suffering.  But how can we avoid an earthquake followed then by a tsunami?  I want to know what to do, where to go, how to live in such a way that I can insure the safety of those I love.  Isn’t that what we all want?  So how do we explain what happened in Japan?  Or in Chile last year?  Or Haiti?  This list goes on.  How and why do these horrific disasters happen when we have an all loving and all powerful God?  I suppose this is where the term blind faith comes from?  I am blessed to have a strong faith.  Despite all these puerile questions floating through my head at the moment, it is my faith and prayer that keeps me sane and hopeful.  

I went to church today and felt so conflicted, I wanted the priest to address the congregation and say something about what is going on in Japan.  I guess I wanted him to give us answers.  He knows God better than I do, surely he has some inside answers!  As inane as it sounds I suppose I secretly wished the priest would announce from the pulpit that he had just spoken to God that morning and had obtained answers as to why such horror and tragedy exist in our world.   Instead we prayed for the victims when we prayed for our petitions.  I wanted more, which of course is unfair, the priest is only human, he doesn’t have a direct line to God, but I just wanted some reassurance I guess.  Again I felt like a petulant child.  I vacillated between anger and confusion.  I wanted to be angry but then felt enormous guilt when the priest reminded us to thank God for all our blessings.  How can I be angry?  I have so much, so many blessings.  So then I was struck with that terrible mix of guilt and anger.  Even as I write this I am thinking to myself, “What are you hoping to accomplish with this?  You are no expert on faith, or natural disasters, what are you doing?”  I lack the eloquence and understanding to properly convey the sadness and grief I and so many are feeling right now for the people of Japan.  I guess I am just putting my thoughts, fears and love out into the universe and hoping that somehow my prayers, my empathy and my intentions help the people who are suffering right now in Japan.  That those who have lost a loved one are not alone in their sorrow, that the medics and rescue teams somehow have the strength to continue on despite what must be physically and emotionally exhausting circumstances, that more survivors are found and brought to safety, that the people of Japan can feel love and compassion from the rest of the world.  That blind faith and prayers are enough because right now it’s all I seem to have.  Love, prayers and blessings to the people of Japan and to those suffering all around the world. 

If you’d like to help:

The American Red Cross

Unicef

Number 11

I haven't forgotten about the  list, and while my end of  May deadline for my yearlong list had seemed far away for so long, it is now starting to sneak up on me.  Losing 65 pounds was the goal that I was the most focused on and having achieved that with 4 months left to go was an amazing personal accomplishment.  However, goal number 11, "run a 5K" has been breathing down my neck folks.  The goal is not "participate in a 5K" or "walk a 5K" it is RUN a 5k.  If you know me then you know running was never really my forte.  Even as a child in gym I was the kid bringing up the rear, cursing under my breath, hobbling along like I was an 85 year old with a bum hip.  In high school I some how managed to always have my period and severe cramps, several times a month natch, when it was time to run laps in gym.  I managed to be on the tennis team and was actually a pretty good tennis player without ever actually breaking into a run.  (I'm not really sure how I did that, perhaps I have long arms?)  In college I would attempt to run only when intoxicated (usually I was running away from someone, the girl whose door I kicked in, the irate RA I had woken up, the police...) every time I broke into a gallop I would end up splayed on the pavement or floor with the heel of my shoe snapped off.  (Seriously, I ruined more pairs of shoes this way, it was always the right heel too...)  So running is not really one of my strengths.  

However, this weekend I decided it was time, I had to chose my 5K , I needed to get it in the calendar and start training.  A google search pulled up hundreds of races and runs in the New York and Connecticut area, as I perused the races some of them intimidated me, others piqued my interest but nothing was clicking.  Then, finally,  I found it.  I found my 5K!

The walk is May 14th, 2011, literally 3 days before my year list deadline (Phew!).  Additionally, the Whittingham Cancer Center is where my Father had his successful prostate cancer surgery.  It is part of Norwalk hospital here in Connecticut, it is an excellent hospital and they took wonderful care of my Father.  So, while gym teachers, RA's, police, and speeding tennis balls failed to successfully get me to run before, this I can and will run for! Wish me luck! 

When sisters stand shoulder to shoulder, who stands a chance against us? ~Pam Brown

 

Yesterday was my sister Robin’s birthday, and if you know me or have read the blog, then you know that in addition to being my older sister Robin is my best friend, champion, protector and all around one of my favorite people.  I realized this morning that on Terrbear and my Father’s birthdays I wrote posts dedicated to them so I figured, why not write one about Robin?

Robin has actually already been featured rather prominently here on the blog, after all it is her Terrbear that I have the pleasure of spending my days with, she walked beside me in October at the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, and so many of my stories and memories  from childhood involve her because truly, she was and is major part of my life.  If you know Robin then you know she likes things a certain way, some would call it her way, she would probably refer to it as the right way.  On a near nightly basis we have to google some issue we disagree on because she will never admit defeat (like her insistence that it is Jon Hamm in the Lindt chocolate commercial with the chefs hat on, uhm, no, it’s not.  Or my assertion that it is indeed George Clooney’s voice in that car ad, uhm YES, it is!  On both accounts I was correct, of course!  What can I say, we  sisters are always grappling with the most important issues of our time people.) She has a high aesthetic, she is fiercely protective of those she loves and cares about, she has an amazing sense of humor but manages to be funny without being cynical or demeaning to others.  She is generous almost to a fault.  If you are one of her people she will only see the best in you and expect only the best from you, she won’t tell you what you want to hear but rather what you need to hear but she will do it in the kindest, gentlest manner possible, and all of her advice comes from the heart, there is never an angle, an ulterior motive, just love.

Several years ago I went to see a psychic (laugh all you want but this woman is amazing, to this day Robin remains unconvinced that she is worth the 3 hour drive and the $40 but then again, Robin is far more practical than I) The first words out of the psychics mouth were, “Who is Robin?  They are telling me this is the person you go to for all your advice, the first person you call when you are happy or sad.  Her advice is always from the heart, she always has your best interests in mind.  And you’ve travelled through many lives together, and in every one she has looked after you.”  I almost passed out right there.  I knew this, I have always known this.  Some people you just know you have always known.  And while I am not sure I believe in past lives, I do know Robin is one of my kindred spirits.  When we were younger our little sister Jamie would get annoyed with us when Robin would refer to me as her “baby” (she is only 5 years older than me.  It sounds creepy but it was pretty hilarious at the time)  My first grade teacher told a then 11 year old Robin that she babied me too much and had to stop walking me to my classroom every morning, that I needed to be more independent.  Needless to say Robin let the teacher know she did not share her opinion and continued to drop me off in front of class every morning.  One summer we were at our beach club and some girl who was Robin’s age offered me her Cherry 7Up, she said, “Hey Mandy, do you want the rest of this?  It’s full of sugar and fattening just the way you like it.”  I actually didn’t even register that part, my 7 year old self heard “FREE CHERRY 7UP!!!” So you can imagine my shock and horror when Robin cut me off at the pass and sternly barked, “No, Mandy doesn’t want that!  Come on Mandy”  and dragged me away.  Once we were up in our locker changing I was still confused, and I wanted that soda dang it!  However, Robin set me straight “Mandy don’t ever let anyone talk that way to you!  She is insecure and nasty and that’s why she is like that.”  Ohhh, ok, I got it.  From the other side of the door we heard the girl, who apparently had been eavesdropping say, “Robin, Mandy, I’m sorry I said that.”  We both froze and looked at each other, our eyes wide open, our hands over our mouths suppressing giggles, finally Robin called back, “Uhm, ok, thanks!”  I’m telling you, don’t mess with a girl and her sister!

I always was secure in the knowledge that Robin liked having me around.  I was never a nuisance, she never treated me like the annoying little sister.  We had fun, after all I was her sidekick!  However, not everyone shared this sentiment.  On one occasion I was hanging out in Robin’s room with her and her friend, they were in Junior high at this point and I loved all the gossip about boys and crushes and the big girl talk.  However, Robin’s friend apparently considered me an uninvited guest.  When Robin got up to go the bathroom she turned on me, “WHY ARE YOU HERE?  You’re always chiming in and adding your two cents and annoying, we don’t want you here.”  Now, I was a shy, timid child, however, one thing I was confident in is that my sister liked me, this girl had it all wrong.  So, bolstered with the knowledge that Robin would always support me and did indeed want me there I retorted, “Robin likes me and wants me here!  In fact, when you go home we laugh at how stupid are and make fun of you!”  ZING!  That shut her right up!  It wasn’t very nice of me to say, but I was all of 7 years old, and she had it coming.  But that is what was and is so wonderful about Robin, I always felt accepted and supported, I knew that we were family and therefore everyone else came second to us.  And to be completely truthful, I wouldn’t have blamed Robin for kicking me out of her room and telling me to get lost every now and then.  I mean, her room was an immaculate palace, and yet I had managed to sully her lovely carpet on several occasions with my urine.  You see, Robin was funny, she would get me laughing and I would be clutching my belly when suddenly my little bladder would just decide to empty itself all over her pink carpet.  She never lost her temper though, she would just sigh and go get the club soda to clean it up, (By the way, how many 11 year olds are you aware of that know how to clean carpet stains with club soda??)

When I had a big interview and was nervous and had nothing to wear, it was Robin who gave me the money to buy a good suit, when I was living in the city and pinching my penny’s Robin left a Food Emporium gift card on my kitchen counter so I would be able to get healthy food to eat.  Three years ago when I had a sinus infection followed by the flu and felt like death, Robin drove up to my apartment with enough food to feed an army and straightened up my apartment and took out the garbage.  It is by watching her example that I am constantly reminded how to live life with grace, kindness, generosity and caring.  She is one of those rare people who manages to be inherently good without being boring, she is kind without being  self-righteous or condescending.  I am so blessed to be her sister and to have her as a friend.  My wish for you all is that you have a “Robin” in your life, someone who only see’s the best in you, expects great things of you, supports and loves you unconditionally and has the ability to make you laugh until you wet your pants.  

 

Par-Tay!!

My sister Robin emailed the following to me about an hour ago:

Subject:

Guess what today is...‏

National Irish Coffee day!  You can’t make this stuff up.  I am seriously thinking that an observance is in order tonight.  Just not sure if I will be able to pick up the whipped cream on my way home… I’ll need to think that through .

x

How was I unaware of this glorious holiday?!  Uhm, of course I will observe, after all, I love coffee, I really love coffee with alcohol, and I am Irish to boot, so I say let’s celebrate!  

Robin’s email was a nice surprise on a grey snowy day as well as reminder that life can and should be a celebration.  I am not saying we should live life like it's one big party, however, it is easy to get lost in the mundane every day routine.  Sure we celebrate the big ones; Christmas, Thanksgiving, but in between the big Holidays it is easy for regular life to take over.  Too often we rush home, harried and tired from the workday and the commute, we whip up dinner and park ourselves in front of the TV, go to bed and do it all over again the next day.  It's difficult to create small celebrations during the week, but so rewarding and fun when we do! 

Growing up my parents were great at creating magic and tradition and celebrating the big and small holidays.  Valentine’s Day my Father would come home from the city with goodies for all the ladies in his life, my sisters and I usually got red socks adorned with hearts, and red foil wrapped chocolates.  Fat Tuesday before lent my Mother would anonymously leave treats in our rooms, cookies in a plastic bag pinned to the bulletin board above your desk, candies hidden under your pillow.  On a regular Tuesday!  What a treat!  Growing up we had a dear family friend who knew how to really celebrate life; Father Earl lived every day to the fullest, he loved food, friends, celebrations, and living the good life.  He and my Mother would orchestrate these amazing meals from seemingly nothing, the emptier the cabinets the more they relished the challenge.  They would turn a simple meal on a regular night into a party!  Father Earl was wonderful at not only creating celebrations in life, but also at celebrating the people in his life.  Randomly he would decide a certain day was “Your Day.”  On "Mandy Day" (a Thursday in August, out of the blue!) we came home to find a huge children's activities workbook, crayons and cookies stacked by the front door, all for me in honor of my day!  A day I hadn't even been aware of until then!  Each of my sisters had a turn getting their own day, on my sister Claire’s day I remember we all ate “Eclair’s” of course.  Father Earl passed when I was 8 years old and I remember the adults all laughing incredulously at his wake when they found out that he was not in fact born on Saint Patrick's Day as he claimed, but a few weeks before.  This was a man who knew how to live well and have fun while doing it.  

Don’t get me wrong, I love routine, taking care of a toddler every day has taught me how essential routine is, however, life is good, we need to celebrate it!  Tonight, my sister, brother in law and I will celebrate National Irish Coffee Day, not because we are in fact Irish or really love coffee that much, but because we have so much to celebrate.  On a cold night, getting together and enjoying something while we chat and catch up, this is what life is about,  reveling in the simple pleasures and taking time to count our blessings.  So whether you celebrate National Eggs Benedict Day (April 16th) or National Chocolate Ice Cream Day (June 7th, and I intend to celebrate both FYI)  make sure you are finding opportunities to celebrate life and the people around you who make it a good one.  Tonight I will raise a nice warm mug of Irish Coffee to everyone in my life who has blessed me with their love, friendship and company.  Sláinte

Irish Coffee Recipe:

Two parts Irish whiskey

Four parts hot coffee

One and a half parts fresh cream

One teaspoon brown sugar

Good Company

A Pinch of Blessings and Gratitude

The Company You Keep

I am always suspicious of girls who either don't have or want other female friends or who don’t trust women.  Always a red flag.  Usually it is an indication that they don't play by the rules, they don't obey girl code, and they probably won't have your back.  I would know, my best friend from 13 to 26 was one of those girls.  She used to laugh about how I was the only girl she could stand.  How other girls hated her, were jealous of her, she just connected so much better with men.  Unh hunh, sure.  She was a quick witted, hilariously funny, bawdy, rebellious, cheating, thieving, compulsive liar.  When I was 16 her defiant and ribald nature was funny and exhilarating to me, since I was the opposite; a shy, awkward, strictly brought up catholic school girl.  Fast forward to adulthood and her constant dramas involving her cheating on her boyfriends and getting caught, her emotional breakdowns on a near monthly basis and then finally her torrid affair with a married coworker while his wife was at home with their newborn child, and well what seemed dramatic as a teenager had become exhausting, amoral, and ridiculous at 26.  I literally had to cut her out of my life.  The sheer amount of years we had known each other and the shared history kept me feeling obligated to the friendship.  Despite the fact that she had grown into someone who was clearly morally bankrupt, that she was so absorbed in herself and therefore wouldn’t or couldn’t encourage or lift me up, I stuck around because, well, she had been a part of my history for so long.   Then one day I realized the older we get the more precious our time is, if I 'm not spending time with my family I want to make sure the people I am spending my time with are worth it.  If someone is becoming an emotional vampire, I don’t actually need to keep them in my life.  

I saw this Miguel de Cervants Saavedra quote the other day and I realized that I would often think something along these lines to myself when I was cavorting with people who were behaving badly, “Tell me what company you keep and I will tell you what you are.”  Are we indeed guilty by mere association?  Was I morally bankrupt for being a close friend of someone who was?  I hate to say it, but after a while, no matter how much you protest, try to cajole, change, and help a person, if they don’t change and you are still associating with them, then, well yes, you do bear some responsibility as well.  If you aren’t a participant then at the very least you are an enabler.  And in the process on some level you are letting yourself be taken advantage of or allowing someone to pull you into the mud with them.   I have been having discussions lately with my friends and sisters about the people we surround ourselves with and how they make us feel.  Are they encouraging or even allowing us to be our best selves?  Are they pushing us to live up to what we are potentially capable of?  Or are they tearing us down simply by association or perhaps even worse are they actively working to pull us down with them?  After all, misery does love company.  "Those who have abandoned their dreams, will discourage yours." 

The other night I was watching an interview with Diane Sawyer, (who I  love by the way, such a class act!).  When asked what contributed to her being successful in her career and happy in life she said she attributed it to the fact that she only surrounds herself with people who reflect her best self back at her.  She described them as, “those people who will tell you when there is a cliff up ahead, or a bump in the road”.  Rather than watch you stumble or fall they help you overcome the obstacle.  I have heard Oprah allude to this as well, that she only keeps people around her who expect great things of her, who hold her to a higher standard.  Sometimes that can be annoying, when the people you love and respect call you out, when they tell you that you are better than what you are doing or how you are acting.  My sister Robin is like that, she expects great things from me so she will tell me when I am being negative or letting my anxiety get the best of me.  Sometimes I don’t like to hear it, it’s like when someone tells you your breath smells, you want to get peeved with them, but truly they’ve done you a great favor (I mean, we need people like that in our lives because truly, who else will tell you, right?!) .  It takes courage and genuine love to tell someone that you expect more from them, that they deserve more.   In the past year since I have started making changes in my life from how I treat my body to how I want to live my life this concept has become so important to me.  The support and encouragement of my family and friends has been like a gust of wind pushing at my back, propelling me forward towards my goals and dreams.  Could I achieve my goals without them?  Probably, but the journey is so much more rewarding when you have people who are genuinely happy for you, who are trying to live the best version of themselves and therefore want you to also be the best version of yourself.  It is amazing how rewarding and uplifting feeling genuine joy and happiness for someone else can feel.  There is nothing altruistic about it, it is actually very selfish, however, it is mutually beneficial.  It is as simple as: if you are happy, then I am happy!

The other day I was on the phone with my bestie Missy over in Sweden and she started telling me about her new business idea when she stopped and said something like, “You are probably so sick of all my business ideas at this point.”  When actually I wasn’t, not only does she genuinely have some amazing ideas, but they’re fun to discuss, it's exciting to think of where the idea will take her, the success she will possibly have, additionally her idea was something that I would never think of and yet when she told me about it I thought, “Why hasn’t anyone done this before?!”  Talking about her plans felt so much better than discussing the latest celebrity gossip or even dishing about people we know.   Seeing other people tap into the best part of themselves is inspiring, it propels us forward, it gives us motivation and brings our goals into focus.  That same day my dear friend Bunny emailed me telling me she was embarking on a healthier lifestyle this year, and the steps she is taking to make her goals a reality.  I immediately wrote her back, “Yay!  We can support each other and share tips!”  Like I said, encouraging the people around me isn’t as selfless as it seems, it is actually quite rewarding, the better they are the better I am.  And while  misery may love company, apparently so does happiness!  Happiness says, “Come on in, the more the merrier!”  There is no capacity limit for joy and happiness and the more of it out there the more of it there is to go around.    What a beautiful concept!  When you are encouraging others there is no room for negativity, there is no room for envy.  Even better, in the process of supporting their goals and dreams you get inspiration for your own goals and dreams.  And it is so very true that like attracts like, if you are positive and putting out happiness you will attract people who are of a similar mind.  

“The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.” Epictetus, Greek philosopher.  Apparently people have know this whole business of keeping good company for thousands of years.  For me, discovering this in the last few years has been a revelation!  When I was younger I wasn't always discriminate when choosing friends, because I was generally funny and liked to have fun, I would at times attract people who tended to be a little wild, a little bawdy, not usually the crowd known for reflecting our best selves back at us.   Back in High school I was at a pizza parlor with my aforementioned ex bestie, we were eating pizza when a gorgeous guy walked in.  We were both immediately smitten with him and staring at him unabashedly.  My “friend” (I use the term loosely now) encouraged me to smile at him.  I was more than a little surprised, after all, she was the man eater, I would’ve thought she would want me to fade into the background so she could shamelessly flirt with him. “Smile at him Roni! You have a great smile, just smile at him to get his attention!”  So I flashed one of my biggest, cheesiest smiles, prepared for him to be dazzled by my pearly whites.   However I never saw his reaction because my friend dissolved into raucous laughter and nearly fell off her chair.  I started laughing at the absurdness of it all and was giggling back, “What?!  WHAT?!!” When she finally caught her breath she blurted out, “You’ve had a big piece of oregano in your front teeth for the last 10 minutes!!!”  Ahhhh, now I understood.  Forget about warning me that the cliff was ahead, she just pushed me off it for a laugh.  For years we would laugh about the story, and I actually did think it was funny at the time, truthfully I still kind of do.  However, I have come to realize that actively surrounding myself with people who not only support me but who are also working at becoming the best versions of themselves has made me feel better about myself. The people I have populated my life with now will not only warm me against the big things, like if there is a cliff up ahead, but will always have my back even when it comes to smaller things, and would never let me grin like I fool when I have something stuck in my teeth.  I am so blessed to have the family and friends I have now,  I hope when you think of me you feel supported, encouraged and valued.  Thank you to all my family and friends for not only having my back but for being the wind against it!

 

Should Old Resolutions Be Forgot

My little Bear in the snow!

I have been horrible at blogging the last few weeks.  While doing my Christmas shopping, while chasing my little Bear around, while trimming the tree, I would have this little monkey on my back whispering in my ear, "Uhmm, hello!!!  Blog anyone?  When are you going to blog?!  Lazy Blogger!  LAAAZEEEE!!"  Ughhh.  I had ideas, I had posts written in my mind, I had the best of intentions, alas, I haven't posted since Thanksgiving!  For shame!  

I had intended to write a year end list rehash, a look back at what I've accomplished in the last year, and a look to the future and what I still intend to achieve.  Really go out with a bang!  However, my clogged sinuses and a looming trip to the grocery store to get goodies for tonight's celebration have fogged my brain and cut my time short.  So this will be brief.  Truth be told I had to post, just so I could ring in the New Year without that obnoxious monkey on my back distracting me while I tried to remember the words to Auld Lang Syne.  I mean, sure, we all know the first verse, but truly, the second verse on is like Greek, am I right?  I don't want to ring in another year feeling regretful, regret for things left undone, ashamed at the goals carried over consistently from year to year.  Instead I want to focus on the things I have done, the things I intend to do.  I don't need any distractions when that ball drops, no guilt or self-reproach, I want to begin 2011 proud of what I accomplished in 2010 and excited for what I will achieve in the coming year. 

I was vowing to start this year sans resolutions.  They are so annoying, so 2010.  I was so excited that for the first time in many, many years I am starting the New Year in better shape, down 68 pounds and already involved in a healthy diet and exercise routine.  As opposed to feeling bloated and discouraged after a holiday week of overindulgence.  "Lose weight and get healthy" has been my resolution for approximately the last 20 years.  (That is a scary thing to type!) To ring in the New Year without that particular monkey on my back feels wonderful, astounding really, and very liberating.  So, I was set to ring in 2011 resolution-less, resolutions were for suckers, people less enlightened than me!  Until I realized I needed to make blogging my resolution.  I went from blogging almost daily, to several times a week, to once a week, to now, well, looks like I am averaging once a month.  Not good.  Especially because I like blogging, I enjoy it, I love writing, I love thinking of topics to blog about, rolling ideas around in my head, and I will freely admit I am a glutton for the feedback and the comments.  

Therefore, I decree 2011 will be the year I continue to focus on my year long list (my May deadline will be here in no time!  That "Run a 5K is breathing down my neck folks!) and make blogging more of a priority.  I guess I am "resolving" to be a more committed blogger.  Tonight at Midnight I am looking forward to singing Auld Lang Syne while kissing my favorite little man, my Terrbear.  Thanks to spending my days with him I have found peace, been inspired to get fit, lose weight, and be the best version of myself I can be.  That little Bear has made my life more fun, more inspired and more worthwhile.  I am blessed to have him for my nephew.  When I kiss him at midnight I will do so in the hopes that within a few years I will ring in the New Year with a kiss for my husband and have my own little bears on the way.  At midnight I will be putting that wish, that prayer out into the world and will also be wishing and praying that  wherever you are, however you ring in the New year you are surrounded by people you love, and you are without regret and instead hopeful for what the New Year will bring!  Happy New Year!  

The Best Year With The Best Bear

My friend Caitlin has a wonderful blog where she from time to time writes letters to her sons.  They are beautifully written and I always look forward to reading them.  When I arrived last Monday morning from Connecticut to start another week with my Terr-bear he and his Mommy presented me with a gift card to Barnes and Noble and a beautiful card wishing me “Happy Anniversary”.  It was a year ago last week that I started taking care of and spending my days with a then 4 month old Terrance.  The last year has literally flown by, nothing demonstrates the rapid passing of time like watching a baby grow before your eyes.  I absolutely love my days with Terr-bear, he is a joy and a delight, he makes me laugh, and he is the kindest, sweetest, most wonderful little person I have ever met.  Since we are at the one year mark I thought I would “borrow” from Caitlin’s blog and write him a letter about the past year we've had together.

 

Dear Terrance,

Do you remember our first day together?  I do!  I remember you were strapped into your seat and after your Mommy left for work we looked at each other and I said, “Well! Here we are!”  and then I took your picture and you smiled at me and I knew we would be buddies.  We were going to get along swimmingly!  Then our second day together you had your 4 month check up and do you remember how you barely even cried when you got your shots?  You were so brave and such a trooper.  

Day one with the Bear!

I remember some days in those early months wondering what we would do for 10 or 11 hours a day.  Before bed each night I pored over “The Baby Whisperer”, determined to get you on a schedule and to make sure I was doing what was best for your little body and mind to grow.  I wanted to make sure your Mommy and Daddy could got to work knowing you were in good hands and that you would feel safe and calm with me.  Do you remember all the time we would spend on “tummy time”?  How you would get upset and annoyed with me for trying to get you to keep your head up and strengthen your neck muscles?  Then finally how when you mastered that I would try and coax you to roll over?  Now when you are frustrated with me and want to get down ASAP and throw your head back forcefully and I am frantically trying to wrangle your squirming body, I remind myself how ironically it was I who helped you strengthen those head and neck muscles!

Tummy time!

I was so intent on getting you to nap in your crib, however, for a few weeks you had other plans.  Remember those cold January days when I would push you around the house in the stroller while you “hummed” yourself to sleep?  Or all those times you fell asleep in my arms and while my arms would become numb I didn’t really mind as it gave me the opportunity to stare at your beautiful little face for 45 minutes or so.  

45 Minutes of bliss.

I love that when we go to  Shake Rattle and Roll you are the only child that goes into the middle of the circle and dances to the music.  You've had an appreciation and love for music from the start. We would dance around the living room in the mornings listening to what you now call the “Ding Ding” song and you’d put your head on my shoulder and sometimes drift off to sleep.  I still think the most comforting and peaceful feeling in the world is the weight of your head on my shoulder and your little body on my chest. 

I remember your first snow, your Mommy and I bundled you up in your teddy bear snow suit and placed you in a downy white drift and while we thought you would gleefully start playing you gave us both a dubious look and reached for your Mommy to pick you up.  Then there was that day where the flakes of snow were the size of quarters, I bundled us up and carried you out to see the flakes, instead of being in awe of them you giggled at how silly I looked with the hood of my coat pulled over my head and you gave me a hug.  

Who knew Bears didn't like snow?

The first time I heard you say my name to get my attention, I wrote it in my journal, it was February 18, 2010. Now I love how in the mornings as I shuffle out of bed and out to the living room to start the day with you, you yell from behind the baby gate, “MNNN-DEEE!”  Or when tonight when we were driving your parents home from the train you pointed to me and murmured, “Mnnnndeeee”.  

When you were only a few months old I would make my hand crawl all over you like a little bug and you would giggle and laugh.  We’d spend hours simply playing peek-a-boo with your blanket.  And remember how you’d lay on your back on the floor and we’d sing “Head, shoulders, knees and toes”?  Now when I sing "Twinkle" to you, you say “Agin!  Peas?!!”  which I know means, “Again, please!”  You are one of the only people on the planet who will actually beg me to sing.  

You have been fascinated by lights since I can remember.  When we stayed at Nan and Pop’s last year I would walk you around and soothe you by pointing out all the lights, now everywhere we go you point out the lights and will beg me to turn them on, this includes street lamps and lights in the grocery store.  “Light” was one of the first words you spoke.  That seems appropriate considering you are the light of my life.  

You have been a showman from the start, you ham it up when I bring out the camera!  That combined with your cute little mug has resulted in me taking literally thousands of pictures of you over the last year.  You mastered a wonderful little parlor trick early on that we would use to charm people, I'd ask you, "Terrance, what does the lion say??" to which you would respond with a loud and hearty, "ROARRR!!".  I love that when your Halloween costume arrived, a lion suit naturally, you gleefully posed for my many pictures and roared at me theatrically.  

ROARRR!!!!

Now, I know it wasn’t all giggles and roses.  We had our days where both of us felt like we couldn’t hit our stride.  There was the time I locked the keys in the car, and I dressed you in some silly outfits on several occasions, and the time I splattered cold (thank God not hot!) coffee all over you and your white furry coat.  And how can we forget your one year check up, such a monumentous occasion for a little guy!  When your Mommy went to the ladies room and left us in the waiting room of the Dr.’s office you started to fuss, so I picked you up and we started swaying back and forth and humming, suddenly my entire sundress was covered with your urine which also shot out and hit one of the waiting room chairs.  Whoops!  Then once back at home I decided to heed the Dr.’s advice to start feeding you more chunky food to get you accustomed to “real food”, I placed some infant puffs on your high chair tray and showed you how to eat them, you reluctantly put one in your mouth only to instantaneously start gagging and then proceeded to vomit all over us both.  More recently I know there are times when you are frustrated with me, you are communicating so beautifully and  I will be certain I know what you are asking for, only to have you throw your body on the floor and wail “Nooooo!!!”.  I am trying to learn what you are saying, I promise it will get easier for us both.  And I understand you don’t like the fact that I tell you not to touch or do so many of the very things you find so intersting; t.v.’s, Ipods, stoves, electrical outlets, climb the stairs, shut your fingers in doors, and my favorite, sticking your fingers in crevices where they inevitably will become stuck, I know I seem like a real buzzkill, but I swear it is all for your own good. 

Bear on the move!

However, vomiting, peeing, tantrums, and trying to stick your fingers anywhere and everywhere aside, we really do have a good time together, don't we?  I have never laughed as much as I have this past year.  It is truly amazing for me to see the world through your eyes, to see how beautiful, awe inspiring and wonderful every day occurrences can be.  That I can forget our shopping list and become annoyed at my own forgetfulness and mutter “Duh” to myself and I hear your little giggle, so I say “duh” again, this time more theatrically and you dissolve into laughter.  Suddenly my silly mistake is forgotten!  It is amazing how your smile, a hug from you, and your big wet kisses can make me feel like I am the luckiest person in the world.  I love our walks, our hours spent reading, playing and dancing, you make every day worthwhile, fun, and an adventure.  What you don't know is that when I was toiling away commuting into the city, working and feeling trapped, exhausted and uninspired, whenever the clock would strike 11:11 I would say a little prayer and ask for the coming year to simply be, "the best year of my life, so far."  So it seems appropriate to thank you on 11/11 for what has in so many ways been the best year of my life so far.  I love you Bear!

Love,

Mnnnndeeeee!

16 Months old!  What a year it's been! xoxo

I'm So Happy God Sent You To Me!

Jim and little Jim!

I usually don't post on the weekends, (or as often as I should during the week for that matter but that's neither here nor there!)  however, today is a big day!  Today we are celebrating my Father's birthday!  I can't really even put into words how wonderful my Father is.  And if he reads this he will get very uncomfortable and may wish I hadn't  publicly put into words how wonderful he is.  This is a man who doesn't cry, but gets a very "bad headache" when he gets emotional, then gets ticked off at the fact that he has a "headache".  These headaches can be brought on by watching Marley and Me (Sad stories about dogs give him really bad "headaches"), conversations about his Father (who incidentally was also one of the most wonderful, kind, authentic and upstanding people to walk this earth...the apple doesn't fall far.)  Or any sweet/sad story about children, children at Christmas, dogs and children, ohhh boyyy.  Additionally try giving him a compliment.  I don't know if it is being Irish, being Catholic,  or from being raised in the Bronx, or all of these combined but the man simply cannot take a compliment.  This is a trait I simply did not inherit from him, while I bask in the glow of accolades and flattery, my Father becomes downright squeamish.   Or, even better, in reply he will simply compliment you!  For instance he just lost some weight and is very trim and looks like a college boy, when you tell him how great he looks you get in return, "Well, now you really look great, I'm not just saying that, you look wonderful."  Amazing, right?

My Father has an excellent sense of humor and a dry whit.  He won't be the person telling loud punch lines in the middle of the party, he is the one who will quietly make an observation that will have you giggling and shaking your head.  He also is a tease and likes to play subtle jokes.  What astounds me is that after 44 years of marriage he will say something clearly absurd and completely false to my Mother (like that he was in a gang when he was a kid in the Bronx or that he threw out the food she just brought home from the grocery store)  and her consistent response is this high pitched, shocked, "Really?!!"  No, not really!  It's just Daddy being Daddy.  

He is one of the most honest and principled people I know, except when chocolate chip cookies are involved.  All bets are off when cookies enter the picture.  Here is a man that is truthful and scrupulous in all areas of his life, from work to raising kids, however, he WILL eat every last cookie and deny it with a straight face.  And never come clean, even when presented with the evidence that yes, he did indeed eat them.   When my parents first moved up to Connecticut my friend Missy (MISSY Daddy, NOT MISTY!) and I  brought a picnic lunch up with us and some nice gourmet chocolate chip cookies as a housewarming gift.  My Mother told me that after we left she was looking for the cookies and my Father told her, "Oh, I think the girls took them back into the city with them when they left."  Yes, of course we took the cookies we brought for you as a gift back with us when we left.  The cookie monster had struck again.  

Now having such a great Father growing up could be a disadvantage later in life.  For instance when I got older I was amazed to realize that adults didn't actually know everything about everything.  Apparently you can't just walk up to someone and ask them for information about World War 2 and expect a detailed answer, unless that person happened to be my Father.  Also, if you are visiting someplace for the first time, you don't just know every detail and fact about that place, as if you were a tour guide, seemingly by osmosis.  You actually have to read up about it or hire an actual tour guide.  Sheesh!  Also, nice vacations, fun family outings and an all around good quality of life (now this wasn't just my Dad's fault, my Mother also made this all look easy as well) they don't just happen!  All that business takes work!  And it's not easy folks!  Boy, did he pull the wool over our eyes when we were young.  He made this all look easy and well, being a good Father, provider, loving parent, spouse and giving your children a good upbringing is hard work.  Who knew?

Two years ago my Father was diagnosed with prostate cancer.  He handled it in the way he handles most challenges in his life, with a level head, a plan, and focus.  He was more worried about my Mother and us girls than himself, he wanted to assuage our fears and anxiety.  He ate well, exercised and scheduled his surgery.  When he awoke from the surgery I must have looked pal and/or freaked out so he asked me, "Are you feeling alright, do you need to sit down, you look pale."  What?!!  You just had surgery!  Are you alright?!  That pretty much sums up how my Father lives his life, he is focused, he always has a plan, he thinks of others, he is kind, funny, smart, loving and not only a wonderful Father but an amazing example of how to live life with humility.  

Two years ago on his Birthday as we all said grace before dinner, while I was praying I made what my Father would call a typical Mandy comment, as I prayed to God I said, "Dear God thank you for sending my Dad to me, I am so blessed to have him in my life."  He started to laugh and said, "Excuse me!  God sent you to ME and into MY life!"  Either way I am so thankful He did.  Happy Birthday Daddy!  I will let you off the hook now because you are either squirming in your seat or have developed a REALLY bad headache!