The Butterfly and the Bear

The Way To A Bear's Heart Is Through His Stomach

 One of the things I've discovered about myself since I began taking care of my little bear is that I love to feed him.  When he shouts, "YUM!" upon tasting the first spoonful of whatever concoction I have placed before him, (usually something deceivingly yummy with veggies surreptitiously ground into it) I can't begin to tell you the glee I feel.  I have come to call it "Italian Mother" syndrome.  Growing up did you ever have a friend whose Mother, or perhaps your Mother was like this, they would always be able to find a food for whatever ailed you?  They would stand over you while you ate their creations and urge you, "Eat!  Eat! There's plenty more!", clearly gaining satisfaction from your enjoyment of the fruits of their labor.  I never understood that, for me when I cooked it was always for me to enjoy, not for the sake of others, what fun was that?!  My own Mother is like MacGyver in the kitchen.  Despite not being Italian she can rustle up a feast from seemingly empty cupboards and a barren fridge.  She is happiest when she is feeding and sustaining her people.  I never thought I took after her in this way, however, Terrbear has brought out a side of me that I was unaware I even possessed, the ability to not only cook well, but to actually enjoy cooking for others.  What makes this all the more surprising to me is the fact that more often than not, I can't eat the food I make him.  Before, cooking was all about the payback in taste and flavor, the anticipation of eventually eating and enjoying what I had made, now it has become a game of how can I healthfully recreate a recipe and sneak veggies into my little bear being without him being any the wiser.

 So when Terrbear came down with a nasty cold this week and along with a runny nose, puppy dog eyes and a chesty cough, he lost his appetite, I had to really get creative.  I made him his favorite lunch, baked cauliflower and Kale mac and cheese, usually a surefire hit.  When I told him what was for lunch he excitedly ran to his highchair shouting, "YUM! YUM!" But once it was placed before him he took a few bites and then lost interest.  Hmmm, this wouldn't do.  We had zucchini in the fridge that was about a day or two away from going bad, I looked online at several recipes for zucchini muffins but we either didn't have all the ingredients in the house already or they just looked blah to me, so I meshed a few different recipes together and added some of my own additions and made what truly may be THE WORLDS BEST CHOCOLATE ZUCCHINI MUFFINS!  I mean, not to be conceited, but they are truly amazing and relatively easy to make.  And the best part, when I placed one in front of my little bear he proclaimed, "YUM!"  and then acted like Bill Murray in "What About Bob" and moaned while he devoured it like a ferrel orphan child.  I looked on and murmured, "Eat!  Eat!  There's plenty more!"

 

You need to watch this clip. Seriously. 

So, if you'd like to amaze your family and friends with your culinary prowess, I now present to you the recipe for the MOST AMAZING CHOCOLATE ZUCCHINI MUFFINS EVER!!!  How magnanimous of me, right?  You're welcome!

Do you see that chocolate chunk?  So perfectly imperfect!

MOST AMAZING CHOCOLATE ZUCCHINI MUFFINS EVER!!!

• 2 Cups flour
• 3/4 cup raw organic sugar (I like Trader Joes)
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/4 tsp baking powder
• 1/4 cup of cocoa powder
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• 1/4 tsp nutmeg
• 3/4 cup of milk
• 1 cup of canola oil
• 4 egg whites
• 1 1/2 tsp vanilla
• 2 cups of zucchini, shredded
• 2 Bars (4oz) of semisweet bakers chocolate (I used Nestle) chopped with a knife into varying size chips and chunks.  You could use chips but we didn't have them in and the different sized chocolate morsels really make for a surprise in each bite!

 

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Coat a muffin tray with cooking spray.

In a large bowl combine tall the dry ingredients. Mix thoroughly.

In another bowl, whisk together the milk, oil, egg whites and vanilla. Then add the shredded zucchini and stir. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients until just combined then add your chocolate chunks. Spoon batter into the prepared muffin tray, filling each cup to the top.  Bake in the oven for 20-22 minutes.  

Because of the zucchini these bad boys come out nice and moist. (I hate that word, but, what else can I say?  I also thought of the word succulent but realized I hate that word as well, so, moist it is.)  If you make these please let me know what you think!  As of right now the feedback I've received so far from one little guy can be summed up best with this picture:

"YUM!"

 

 

You know it was good eatin' when half of it ends up on your face!

The Company You Keep

I am always suspicious of girls who either don't have or want other female friends or who don’t trust women.  Always a red flag.  Usually it is an indication that they don't play by the rules, they don't obey girl code, and they probably won't have your back.  I would know, my best friend from 13 to 26 was one of those girls.  She used to laugh about how I was the only girl she could stand.  How other girls hated her, were jealous of her, she just connected so much better with men.  Unh hunh, sure.  She was a quick witted, hilariously funny, bawdy, rebellious, cheating, thieving, compulsive liar.  When I was 16 her defiant and ribald nature was funny and exhilarating to me, since I was the opposite; a shy, awkward, strictly brought up catholic school girl.  Fast forward to adulthood and her constant dramas involving her cheating on her boyfriends and getting caught, her emotional breakdowns on a near monthly basis and then finally her torrid affair with a married coworker while his wife was at home with their newborn child, and well what seemed dramatic as a teenager had become exhausting, amoral, and ridiculous at 26.  I literally had to cut her out of my life.  The sheer amount of years we had known each other and the shared history kept me feeling obligated to the friendship.  Despite the fact that she had grown into someone who was clearly morally bankrupt, that she was so absorbed in herself and therefore wouldn’t or couldn’t encourage or lift me up, I stuck around because, well, she had been a part of my history for so long.   Then one day I realized the older we get the more precious our time is, if I 'm not spending time with my family I want to make sure the people I am spending my time with are worth it.  If someone is becoming an emotional vampire, I don’t actually need to keep them in my life.  

I saw this Miguel de Cervants Saavedra quote the other day and I realized that I would often think something along these lines to myself when I was cavorting with people who were behaving badly, “Tell me what company you keep and I will tell you what you are.”  Are we indeed guilty by mere association?  Was I morally bankrupt for being a close friend of someone who was?  I hate to say it, but after a while, no matter how much you protest, try to cajole, change, and help a person, if they don’t change and you are still associating with them, then, well yes, you do bear some responsibility as well.  If you aren’t a participant then at the very least you are an enabler.  And in the process on some level you are letting yourself be taken advantage of or allowing someone to pull you into the mud with them.   I have been having discussions lately with my friends and sisters about the people we surround ourselves with and how they make us feel.  Are they encouraging or even allowing us to be our best selves?  Are they pushing us to live up to what we are potentially capable of?  Or are they tearing us down simply by association or perhaps even worse are they actively working to pull us down with them?  After all, misery does love company.  "Those who have abandoned their dreams, will discourage yours." 

The other night I was watching an interview with Diane Sawyer, (who I  love by the way, such a class act!).  When asked what contributed to her being successful in her career and happy in life she said she attributed it to the fact that she only surrounds herself with people who reflect her best self back at her.  She described them as, “those people who will tell you when there is a cliff up ahead, or a bump in the road”.  Rather than watch you stumble or fall they help you overcome the obstacle.  I have heard Oprah allude to this as well, that she only keeps people around her who expect great things of her, who hold her to a higher standard.  Sometimes that can be annoying, when the people you love and respect call you out, when they tell you that you are better than what you are doing or how you are acting.  My sister Robin is like that, she expects great things from me so she will tell me when I am being negative or letting my anxiety get the best of me.  Sometimes I don’t like to hear it, it’s like when someone tells you your breath smells, you want to get peeved with them, but truly they’ve done you a great favor (I mean, we need people like that in our lives because truly, who else will tell you, right?!) .  It takes courage and genuine love to tell someone that you expect more from them, that they deserve more.   In the past year since I have started making changes in my life from how I treat my body to how I want to live my life this concept has become so important to me.  The support and encouragement of my family and friends has been like a gust of wind pushing at my back, propelling me forward towards my goals and dreams.  Could I achieve my goals without them?  Probably, but the journey is so much more rewarding when you have people who are genuinely happy for you, who are trying to live the best version of themselves and therefore want you to also be the best version of yourself.  It is amazing how rewarding and uplifting feeling genuine joy and happiness for someone else can feel.  There is nothing altruistic about it, it is actually very selfish, however, it is mutually beneficial.  It is as simple as: if you are happy, then I am happy!

The other day I was on the phone with my bestie Missy over in Sweden and she started telling me about her new business idea when she stopped and said something like, “You are probably so sick of all my business ideas at this point.”  When actually I wasn’t, not only does she genuinely have some amazing ideas, but they’re fun to discuss, it's exciting to think of where the idea will take her, the success she will possibly have, additionally her idea was something that I would never think of and yet when she told me about it I thought, “Why hasn’t anyone done this before?!”  Talking about her plans felt so much better than discussing the latest celebrity gossip or even dishing about people we know.   Seeing other people tap into the best part of themselves is inspiring, it propels us forward, it gives us motivation and brings our goals into focus.  That same day my dear friend Bunny emailed me telling me she was embarking on a healthier lifestyle this year, and the steps she is taking to make her goals a reality.  I immediately wrote her back, “Yay!  We can support each other and share tips!”  Like I said, encouraging the people around me isn’t as selfless as it seems, it is actually quite rewarding, the better they are the better I am.  And while  misery may love company, apparently so does happiness!  Happiness says, “Come on in, the more the merrier!”  There is no capacity limit for joy and happiness and the more of it out there the more of it there is to go around.    What a beautiful concept!  When you are encouraging others there is no room for negativity, there is no room for envy.  Even better, in the process of supporting their goals and dreams you get inspiration for your own goals and dreams.  And it is so very true that like attracts like, if you are positive and putting out happiness you will attract people who are of a similar mind.  

“The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.” Epictetus, Greek philosopher.  Apparently people have know this whole business of keeping good company for thousands of years.  For me, discovering this in the last few years has been a revelation!  When I was younger I wasn't always discriminate when choosing friends, because I was generally funny and liked to have fun, I would at times attract people who tended to be a little wild, a little bawdy, not usually the crowd known for reflecting our best selves back at us.   Back in High school I was at a pizza parlor with my aforementioned ex bestie, we were eating pizza when a gorgeous guy walked in.  We were both immediately smitten with him and staring at him unabashedly.  My “friend” (I use the term loosely now) encouraged me to smile at him.  I was more than a little surprised, after all, she was the man eater, I would’ve thought she would want me to fade into the background so she could shamelessly flirt with him. “Smile at him Roni! You have a great smile, just smile at him to get his attention!”  So I flashed one of my biggest, cheesiest smiles, prepared for him to be dazzled by my pearly whites.   However I never saw his reaction because my friend dissolved into raucous laughter and nearly fell off her chair.  I started laughing at the absurdness of it all and was giggling back, “What?!  WHAT?!!” When she finally caught her breath she blurted out, “You’ve had a big piece of oregano in your front teeth for the last 10 minutes!!!”  Ahhhh, now I understood.  Forget about warning me that the cliff was ahead, she just pushed me off it for a laugh.  For years we would laugh about the story, and I actually did think it was funny at the time, truthfully I still kind of do.  However, I have come to realize that actively surrounding myself with people who not only support me but who are also working at becoming the best versions of themselves has made me feel better about myself. The people I have populated my life with now will not only warm me against the big things, like if there is a cliff up ahead, but will always have my back even when it comes to smaller things, and would never let me grin like I fool when I have something stuck in my teeth.  I am so blessed to have the family and friends I have now,  I hope when you think of me you feel supported, encouraged and valued.  Thank you to all my family and friends for not only having my back but for being the wind against it!

 

Mark Twain, Edith Lovejoy Pierce and Justin Bieber

You know how to recognize when you are procrastinating?  How to truly recognize that not only are you procrastinating but you are doing a terrible job of it as well? When you fire up your laptop to write a blog post and naturally you think, “Well just let me check my email before I start writing..."  Then in your inbox, a message from Facebook, "Oh!  Wait, what’s this?  I’ve been tagged in a photo on Facebook, well I must just click on over there and make sure it is appropriate for public consumption".  After reading all 200 status updates as well as perusing other peoples recently uploaded photos (no matter that it is your old co-workers third cousins, friends, nieces wedding photos, you may want to get married at The Island Chateau on Staten Island one day, need to check it all out, right?)  Having then mentally planned your wedding in your head you finally remember you want to check out the photo of you that was tagged, "Ohh, noooo, untag, UN-TAGGG, don’t like the way I look in that one at all, fat beard is in full effect in that shot....hmmm, what was I doing?"  As your brain wanders into and gets lost in the haze that is "Why I turned on my laptop in the first place", you think to yourself  "Oh wait!  I haven’t checked out Dlisted yet today....must get my gossip fix...”. Fast froward another twenty minutes and lo and behold , twenty precious minutes later, you are reading about...God I can’t even admit this , you are reading an interview with JUSTIN BIEBER instead of writing your BLOG?!!  True story folks.  What is wrong with me?  I don’t even like The Biebs, what gives? Perhaps this head cold/stomach bug/virus I have has induced a case of Bieber fever?  Ugh, I hate myself.  

What gives is I am naturally someone who has grown to abhor resolutions, that combined with the fact that I am also a professional procrastinator (in college papers were never started before 11:00pm the night before they were due, the creative juices just couldn’t flow until the pressure was really on).   And as I stated in my previous post, resolutions, meh, deep down I never really liked them.  They always seemed to be an albatross hanging from your neck from January 1st through December 31st, only to be completely discarded the next year or strapped on yet again, this time heavier and more cumbersome than they were the previous year.  Am I naturally rebelling against my aversion to resolutions by procrastinating and not blogging?  I don’t know, I guess it’s time to schedule that therapy session.  I’ve been seeing the famous Mark Twain quote in peoples statuses all over Facebook (See, told you I read your statuses!) "New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual."  Every time I read it I wonder, why do we make resolutions anyway?  Why do we think that we will commit to some new way of living on the 31st and wake up January first reformed, renewed and ready to magically be a different, better, wiser, more productive version of ourselves?  And I am wondering this all as a reformed bum, as someone who until the last 10 years or so was actually big on resolutions.  I liked the hopefulness of it, the possibility, the potential and promise that the New Year and those resolutions held.  However, in the past I was also one of the many who were paving hell with them the following week, feeling disappointed, sad and angry with myself for not morphing into a better version of myself.

Then on the Today show I heard my beyatches Kathie Lee and Hoda clucking on about how resolutions are so dead, so over, so not worth it.  Then they launched into a whole segment about how people suffer from depression more in January than any other time of the year.  Apparently we realize we are in debt from all the Christmas festivities, we are detoxing from a sugar and/or alcohol overload and summer is still 5 months away.  Well, thanks for the starting the day off on a positive note ladies!  

So I got to thinking, am I feeling down, blase, directionless now that the holidays are over and the New Year is here?  Is that why I am reading about Bieber instead of writing a post?  I guess if I am honest with myself I feel a little...unfocused.  I feel like it's disingenuous to write a positive blog post when truly, my heart isn’t fully buying it.  Sometimes I find myself and my list and my ideas so tiresome, then I wonder, “Woah, if I find it tiresome what must others think?”  I am actually a very positive person, but the treacly, syrupy, self-helpy, “yay, go me!” sentiments don’t jibe well with me, I do have a little cynic under it all that wants to kick the cheerleaders legs out from under her.  And the fact that I had genuinely felt so positive, so focused when I wrote my last post on the 31st yet now felt a little disheartened and weary made me feel like a fraud.  In addition, hearing that according to the Today show and Mark Twain everyone apparently feels positive going into the New Year and then on the brink of hopelessness only a few days later made me feel like a cliche.  A fraudulent cliche.  In addition to that, I know more about Justin Bieber than I should.  Not two things I’m proud to admit and not exactly fun fodder for a blog post.  (I just realised were I to tag “Justin Bieber” as one of my descriptive key words, my traffic would go up immensely, but since I am already sick, I truly can’t deal with rabid hate mail from teenage girls right now so, I think not.)

In October, once I had completed the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer I felt a little bit like, “OK, what now?”  All the months of training, planning, fund-raising, focused on this amazing goal, focused on something that was not only improving my health but also outside of me and for a greater good, and in 2 days it was suddenly...over.  Just like that.  However I didn’t have time to really wallow in my emotions, in no time at all it was Thanksgiving, followed by Christmas.  Time was just speeding by, I was enjoying the ride and not having time to dwell on how I felt.  However, once the holidays were over, it was like on January first someone slammed on the breaks and left me on the side of the road kicking the dirt and wondering what’s next?  

Well, if I force myself to be honest with myself, I have a whole freaking list of “What’s next”, two long lists as a matter of fact.  So, while Justin Bieber is truly riveting and intensely engaging to read about, I have no time, or reason for that matter, to procrastinate.  I have plans, I have goals and I have 5 months left to make my year long list a reality.  So, bear with me, but I am going to be my own cheerleader right now so please don’t kick my feet out from under me as I launch into a verbal “split lift” for “team M-A-N-D-Y!!”  (Too much?  Ok, I’ll stop).  I am going to refocus myself and, while I have tremendous love and respect for Mark Twain (Some would say he was the Bieber of his time!  I KID, I kid.) regarding the New Year I will instead focus on the more positive and hopeful words of Edith Lovejoy Pierce, (Thanks for the quote Jen D!) “We will open the book.  Its pages are blank.  We are going to put words on them ourselves.  The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.”  Thanks for reading my first chapter of 2011. 

Should Old Resolutions Be Forgot

My little Bear in the snow!

I have been horrible at blogging the last few weeks.  While doing my Christmas shopping, while chasing my little Bear around, while trimming the tree, I would have this little monkey on my back whispering in my ear, "Uhmm, hello!!!  Blog anyone?  When are you going to blog?!  Lazy Blogger!  LAAAZEEEE!!"  Ughhh.  I had ideas, I had posts written in my mind, I had the best of intentions, alas, I haven't posted since Thanksgiving!  For shame!  

I had intended to write a year end list rehash, a look back at what I've accomplished in the last year, and a look to the future and what I still intend to achieve.  Really go out with a bang!  However, my clogged sinuses and a looming trip to the grocery store to get goodies for tonight's celebration have fogged my brain and cut my time short.  So this will be brief.  Truth be told I had to post, just so I could ring in the New Year without that obnoxious monkey on my back distracting me while I tried to remember the words to Auld Lang Syne.  I mean, sure, we all know the first verse, but truly, the second verse on is like Greek, am I right?  I don't want to ring in another year feeling regretful, regret for things left undone, ashamed at the goals carried over consistently from year to year.  Instead I want to focus on the things I have done, the things I intend to do.  I don't need any distractions when that ball drops, no guilt or self-reproach, I want to begin 2011 proud of what I accomplished in 2010 and excited for what I will achieve in the coming year. 

I was vowing to start this year sans resolutions.  They are so annoying, so 2010.  I was so excited that for the first time in many, many years I am starting the New Year in better shape, down 68 pounds and already involved in a healthy diet and exercise routine.  As opposed to feeling bloated and discouraged after a holiday week of overindulgence.  "Lose weight and get healthy" has been my resolution for approximately the last 20 years.  (That is a scary thing to type!) To ring in the New Year without that particular monkey on my back feels wonderful, astounding really, and very liberating.  So, I was set to ring in 2011 resolution-less, resolutions were for suckers, people less enlightened than me!  Until I realized I needed to make blogging my resolution.  I went from blogging almost daily, to several times a week, to once a week, to now, well, looks like I am averaging once a month.  Not good.  Especially because I like blogging, I enjoy it, I love writing, I love thinking of topics to blog about, rolling ideas around in my head, and I will freely admit I am a glutton for the feedback and the comments.  

Therefore, I decree 2011 will be the year I continue to focus on my year long list (my May deadline will be here in no time!  That "Run a 5K is breathing down my neck folks!) and make blogging more of a priority.  I guess I am "resolving" to be a more committed blogger.  Tonight at Midnight I am looking forward to singing Auld Lang Syne while kissing my favorite little man, my Terrbear.  Thanks to spending my days with him I have found peace, been inspired to get fit, lose weight, and be the best version of myself I can be.  That little Bear has made my life more fun, more inspired and more worthwhile.  I am blessed to have him for my nephew.  When I kiss him at midnight I will do so in the hopes that within a few years I will ring in the New Year with a kiss for my husband and have my own little bears on the way.  At midnight I will be putting that wish, that prayer out into the world and will also be wishing and praying that  wherever you are, however you ring in the New year you are surrounded by people you love, and you are without regret and instead hopeful for what the New Year will bring!  Happy New Year!  

A Life Inspired

My cousin Cathy posted this on her Facebook wall with the comments, “So inspiring”.  Right now I am all about anything inspiring so I clicked on the link and watched the video about Ben’s journey and was moved to tears.  I feel like he so simply and yet eloquently summed up how it feels to be overweight. Once he was small, a sweet little boy with endless possibilities, then he grew big. And then he became lonely and sad.  Yet he somehow managed to turn it around and monumentally change his life. 

Stories like Ben’s make me realize inspiration is all around us.  We just have to be open to it.  I am not simplifying this nor am I attempting to make this idea seem trite and Disneyfied.  The words “inspiration” and “inspiring” and their variants have been overused in our culture, the newest self help book, Lifetime original movies, last weeks Oprah, are all touted as “inspiring”.  So many times we are fed some hackneyed, corny story and told we should find it inspiring.  Like if we would just have the right attitude, if we were to walk out the door with a spring in our step humming a jaunty tune birds would alight upon our shoulders and the sun would shine down upon us and we will feel INSPIRED!  Inspiration is a personal thing, what inspires me may not move you.  However, if we learn to recognize inspiration in our lives, or at least what we define it as, and use it to motivate us in small ways it can be the catalyst for huge changes.  

For someone like myself who is actively working on making both small and major changes in her life, clicking onto Facebook and seeing something like this only makes me feel more inspired and resolute.  It motivates and drives me.  It reminds me anyone can make changes, you are never too old, it is never too late, and there is no time like the present.  In the span of a mere year you can make leaps and bounds.  In a year you can emotionally, physically and mentally be a new person, if you allow yourself to be inspired and you use that inspiration as fuel to spur you forward.  I guess for a long time I felt uninspired, I was too old, I was too stressed, too busy, time was running out, I was going nowhere fast.  Now that I am in the midst of changing my life I realize that while the days are indeed long and the years short, it will race by no matter what, so you may as well be doing what you love and making yourself a priority because time waits for no one.

Over the last few days I have been reflecting on the changes I have made over the last 4 months and what does in fact inspire me because my Mother asked me a simple yet loaded question the other night.  She has been one of my greatest cheerleaders in this whole process, every pound I lose she notices, every blog post I write she comments, every mile I walk in preparation for my Avon walk she applauds, she truly is in her seemingly boundless support and pride in me inspiring!  Knowing that my weight has been an issue for me for so many years she asked me, “What is different this time?  Why do yo think you are able to be so successful now?”  I answered that it was due in large part to Terr-bear, chase a toddler around all day and you will find if you aren’t in shape, then you best get into shape fast.  Yet spending time with such a young, lovable and new little person seems to also bring everything into sharp focus.  Potential is everywhere, everything is new, possibilities are endless and joy is pure and simple.  The most mundane and pedestrian of tasks have the potential to be joyful and captivating.  It is impossible to be around a child and not recognize how beautiful life can be.  Additionally, nothing illustrates the swift passage of time like a toddler, over the course of a mere month they will go from crawling to walking, get teeth where before there were only gums, go from grunting to talking, seemingly grow inches before your eyes.  You have a daily reminder of how quickly life moves.  You have to seize the day.  Before I would agonize over the fact that time was running out, my youth was slipping away, and it would have the reverse effect on me, it would paralyze me, fear would keep me in this viscous cycle.  Now seeing Terr-Bear grow right before my eyes reminded what a beautiful gift life is and how I had an obligation to live the best life I could.  

So, while at times the idea of being positive and finding inspiration every day makes the cynic in me cringe, I am finding I am actively looking for it and in fact need it to keep me focused.  Negative thoughts creep in, losing direction is easy.  The road is long and it is littered with self sabotage, I need inspiration to keep going.  Being able to log on to the computer and see my friend Lynn has emailed me a link to an author she thinks would resonate with me, seeing my cousin’s link to Ben’s story, my besty Missy congratulating me for walking 3 miles the other day, a grade school friend emailing me to tell me she enjoys the blog, or seeing the generosity of friends and family who have donated to my Avon walk, they light a fire under me, they remind me that I’m not alone, and life can be rewarding.  We want people to succeed, we want to succeed ourselves, so when we see someone else making big changes, we are reminded of our own limitless potential.  Everyone is looking for inspiration and they are willing to support it, though words, through actions, even through donations. Thank you all for inspiring me, hopefully you found Ben's story as inspiring as I did, and I hope you have endless sources of inspiration in your lives!

Are We There Yet?

The last few weeks I have had this low level feeling of anxiety, this nagging feeling in the back of my mind.  Yet, when I actually stop and try to pinpoint what is making me restless I'm not able to exactly figure it out.  It’s like I’m walking down the street and I feel like someone is following me, I feel their eyes on me, I hear their footsteps, and yet when I turn around no one is there.  Yet, every day for the last three weeks, there it is, this feeling of unease.  When I was on vacation I assumed it was my lack of routine, that I missed having my days ordered around Terr-bear and our structured schedules.  Then I assumed it was the guilt about not writing my blog nipping at my heels.  However,  I’m back from vacation for over a week now and have once again resumed my blogging duties and still, there it is, like a low persistent humming.  I don’t know where it’s coming from, I can’t quite figure out what it is, but it is driving me nuts.  

So today while I was strolling with Terr-bear I forced myself to figure out what this unease is and what was causing it.  I realized it is impatience.  It's these hushed yet persistent thoughts in the back of my mind telling me things aren’t happening fast enough...I haven’t made real significant changes in my life...no matter how much work I put into myself, I can’t control the future...what’s different this time?  You’ll just slip back into old habits again...you still have so much work ahead of you, you still have far to go.  Ugh! Stinkin’ thinkin'!  

How, I asked myself,  after 10 some-odd years of inertia are things not happening fast enough?!  How, after spending so much time with my head buried in the sand, am I now getting impatient, anxious for the new, the next, the greatest?  And exactly what is the new and the next?  I don’t really know.  And perhaps that is what is most frightening to me.  I mean, I know what I would LIKE the next to be.  I want to have lost all of the weight I need to lose, I want to be fit and active, I want to have all the money I need for the Avon walk raised.  And I want...well this is the difficult one to verbalize, I want the husband, the kids, the dogs, and the home.  I want to entertain my family in my home at Christmas, I want to decorate a nursery, I want to train our two rambunctious but lovable labs, I want the controlled chaos, I want to be settled.  Or at least feel settled.  And right now I am the epitome of unsettled, physically, emotionally, and mentally.  I am literally unsettled, I have no home, no “real”  job, no concrete answers, no guarantees.  I have only my ambitions, my goals, my dreams.  The whole of it is completely unsettling.   

 So why the anxiety and disquiet now?  I’ve been at it for four months, and they have been some of the most rewarding and inspiring months I've had in a long time.  I’ve been unhappy, if not unsettled,  for years, why this low grade unease now?  Maybe, just maybe turning 35 in 5 days is contributing to the unease.  Perhaps while I have vowed to eliminate regret and to only look ahead, not back, maybe looking ahead is scary as well.  I guess I want assurances, hard and fast truths and all I have are goals and dreams.  I want a guarantee that if I do A, B, and C I will absolutely get to X, Y, and Z.

Most birthdays I’ve had over the last 12 years I have always silently wished to myself that it was either my 20th, 21st or 22nd birthday.  I would wish that I could somehow go back, get a do-over, wake up younger and yet wiser.  Well the good news is that I was thinking about my birthday this weekend and I realized for the first time in along time I do not wish to go back,  I am excited for the future and looking forward to what life has in store for me.  Then of course the doubts started to creep in.  I went down the rabbit hole in my mind and without steadfast guarantees in place there left room for doubt and uncertainty...I turned 20 15 years ago.  It doesn’t seem that long ago in some ways.  I remember that year so vividly.  Sometimes I don’t feel like it’s been 15 years, I don’t feel like I’ve grown 15 years worth.  Then I thought, how old will I be 15 years from now? Oh.  My. God.  FIFTY!  In 15 years I will be FIFTY!  20 to 35 is the same distance as 35 to 50.  It was this realization that made me want to have all the results, all the glory, all the pieces of the puzzle in place NOW.  I felt like time was running out, I wasted my twenties, I needed to get a jump on the rest of my life.  Now, I know what a therapist, priest, higher power, guidance counselor, shaman, (whatever!) would tell me, “So you’re telling me you’ve put in about four solid months of work and you now expect results?  You are so not in it for the long haul.”  The rest of their sage advice would be drowned out by their uproarious laughter at my clueless naivete.  

I am in it for the long haul!  I have no choice but to be in it for the long haul.  What are my options, wake up at 50 scratching my head and wondering where the hell the last 15 years went?  The prospect of that is beyond disillusioning to me.  So I have to keep reminding myself that “the days are long but the years are short.”  Stop trying to rush this.  Stop trying to fast forward to the part where all the goals you’ve set for yourself have been achieved.  Stop trying to predict the future or control the outcome.  I can control how I treat my body, how I take care of myself, how I prepare for the future, how I create the sort of person I want to be, the type of life I want to live, the rest I have to leave in the hands of God.  Instead of worrying about things that are beyond my control I should enjoy my days with Terr-bear, relish my long walks while I prepare for the Avon walk, savor the freedom of being childless for the moment and having the luxury of being able to focus so much of my time and attention on improving myself physically and mentally.  And besides, once I achieve all the goals I've set for myself, I will just have to set new, bigger, and more outrageous goals.  So I really just need to be cognizant of enjoying the journey.  Because once I have lost the weight, have raised the money and walked the 39 miles, am no longer spending my days with my sweet Terr-bear and have kids of my own who are crying, while the dogs are behaving rambunctiously, the house is a mess, and I am trying to prepare Christmas dinner for 30 guests, I will think back to this time wistfully and say to myself, “Damn, that went by fast.”

A Cold Hard Look

Since it has been over 3 months since I embarked on this blog and my journey of transition I figured  I would do a sort of self assessment, evaluate where I am in terms of achieving my year long goals. Time to take a cold hard look on how I am doing.  Yikes!

LOSE 65 LBS

For the first time in a long time I have been totally focused on what I am putting in my body and getting healthy.  It is no coincidence that losing weight is number one on my list, it has been my primary focus every day for the last three months.  My weight and the issues that accompany it has been a major obstacle for me for a large part of my life.  Overcoming this major hurdle, I feel, is key to facing head on all of the other challenges and goals on both my year list and life list.  If you aren’t healthy how in the world can you ever realistically run a 5K?  Or raise $2000 and walk 39 miles for the fight against Breast Cancer?  And truly, I need to look good if I ever expect to woo Bono away from his wife, right?!  I kid, I kid, but seriously, thanks to the support of my parents and my amazing family and friends I have been able to stay positive and energized about losing weight.  3 months in and I am down over 30 lbs, so for this goal I am totally on track to succeed! 

30 MINUTES OF WALKING 5 DAYS A WEEK

Since I started taking care of Terr-bear we have, weather permitting, always aimed to walk for a minimum of 30 minutes a day.  We have since upped our walks to an hour and weekends I am walking in Waveny park, my new favorite spot in New Canaan to train for my Avon Walk.  As a result walking is officially my favorite way to clear my mind and get my butt moving. 

LEARN YOGA

I had been doing 9 simple yoga poses daily either while Terrance crawled around me or while he was napping, however, on vacation, not so much.  Apparently vacation is my kryptonite.  I restarted my poses on Tuesday.  Writing all this down and making myself accountable is helping me to see a pattern, I clearly am the sort of person who thrives when I have a schedule to adhere to.

QUIT COKE (Diet coke, I am beyond addicted) 

I have to be completely honest, I may be more addicted now to the bubbly stuff than I was before.  This goal I have put on the back burner, I fully intend to quit the sweet nectar of the gods by May and well within my one year mark.  However, for the meantime it is one of my few “treats”.  My sister saw me guzzling a nice cold can of the poison a few weeks ago and exclaimed, “Woah!  You are supposed to be quitting!”  To which I replied in my best exorcist voice, “LAY OFF ME I’M STARVING!!!”  Which isn’t entirely true, I’m not hungry at all, but after eliminating most carbs and sugar based products, I need my D.C!  No bread has passed my lips, no ice cream has grazed my tongue, no chocolate has melted in my mouth in over 3 months, so I am allowing myself this one indulgence, for now.  

DRINK 8 GLASSES OF WATER DAILY

Done!  I actually am averaging a minimum of 90 ounces of water a day.  I know studies have emerged saying we may not need the 8 glasses of water a day previously prescribed.  I disagree, as someone who has worked in the beauty industry for over 11 years, I can honestly say water is one of the best and cheapest beauty products out there.  Drink up to half your weight in ounces a day and watch your skin clear up, appear more hydrated, supple, and radiant.  Just don’t drink it all at once, spread it out over an entire day and prepare yourself for frequent bathroom breaks.  It’s worth it.  Yay water! 

START AND MAINTAIN A BLOG (YAY!)

Started, check, maintained, mehhhh.  Back on track though!  And as previously discussed, I had my vacation, now I am back on a schedule and need to blog.  It makes me happy, it gets me writing and keeps me accountable. 

BECOME MORE TECH SAVVY

Ugh.  Technology!  The bane of my existence!  I switched up the layout of the blog last night, it was so frustrating!  I know there is more I can do, I know there are things I should be able to figure out that I can’t. This is an ongoing challenge for me.  

NURTURE MY RELATIONSHIPS

I think (and hope) I have been making a more concerted effort to be there for the people I love and care about.  I am working really hard at being better at maintaining contact through email and phone with my peeps, but this is something I have to almost remind myself daily to do.  “Email them now!  Not later.”  “Call now, don’t get distracted!”  I hate the phone and apparently have the attention span of a gnat, the combination of the two has made for long periods of silence in the past.  I am in the process of rectifying that.  I am also making sure the people in my life know how much I love and appreciate them.  In fact if you are reading this, I love and appreciate you!  Thank you for taking the time to visit my blog and for all of the comments and words of encouragement I have received, thank you!!

STAND UP FOR MYSELF

This seems to be easier for me as of late.  It is amazing how making positive changes in your life and knowing you have the support of the people you love and respect makes you feel a little invincible.  I feel stronger and worthy and therefore I don’t feel compelled to let people get away with bad or abusive behavior. 

BECOME FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE

Sigh.  This is slowly falling into place.   Right now I am focused on setting aside money for when unexpected expenses pop up.  I am proud of the fact that I don’t frivolously spend my money, when I get an email about a sale or major discount at one of my favorite stores, I don’t even open it.  I haven’t shopped for myself in months.  Every purchase is recorded.  However, this goal is still a work in progress for me.

RUN A 5K

You have to walk before you run, right?  I am prepping for my Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, after completing that my focus will turn to getting my body conditioned to run and eventually (before the end of May 2011!) participate in a 5K.

GO TO ITALY

The planning has commenced!  All that remains is picking up extra hours selling makeup to the pretty ladies to save up the funds, after setting aside money for unexpected expenses and having a little cushion in savings.  The air miles are set aside, now the fun part begins, planning and daydreaming of all the places to see!  Spring of 2011 Ciao Italia!!

APPLY TO GRAD SCHOOLS

I haven’t begun to crack this case.  I am totally overwhelmed by the process and keep putting it off. People apply to grad schools all the time, people coordinate and get loans, write essays, get their letters of recommendation, they do it all and make it happen.  My sister Sheila did it, my friend Bunny just did it, I can do it but I need to put my fear and anxiety aside.

FIGURE OUT WHAT I'M PASSIONATE ABOUT AND HOW TO MAKE MONEY WHILE DOING IT. 

I’m still figuring this out. I am passionate about Terr-bear!  I love writing, even if it is a major source of anxiety for me.  “Does this sound idiotic?”  “Is my vocabulary frighteningly limited?”  “Does this sound like a baboon wrote it?”  “Does anyone really care to read what I think?!”  Despite all those nasty little thoughts, I love writing and I adore all the funny, kind, and supportive feedback I’ve gotten.  What I need to figure out is which of these favorite activities will eventually pave the way for me to have a career I love. 

RAISE $1800 AND WALK 39 MILES FOR THE AVON WALK FOR BREAST CANCER

This goal has elicited such a conflicting combination of emotions from me and like my goal of losing weight, it is something that is in the forefront of my mind almost every minute of the day.  I am excited at the challenge of walking farther than I have ever attempted to and for such an amazing cause.  I am nervous and yet intrigued about camping overnight.  I’m looking forward to meeting and connecting with all my fellow walkers, and I am elated to be sharing in this experience with my best friend and sister Robin.  I’m touched and grateful for all the generous donations and messages of support I have received from family and friends, and I am so humbled by their generosity. Yet I am totally freaked out that I won’t raise the funds needed.  In order to be able to actually walk you must have raised a minimum of $1800, I am about halfway there with 5 weeks to go.  My sister is about a quarter of the way there.  My daily mantra has become “You will raise the money, YOU WILL RAISE THE MONEY!!”  To achieve this goal I actually need the help and support of anyone reading this.  Every dollar counts, no donation is “small”, please if you can, consider donating to my walk!  Thank you so much to all of you who have donated, I can’t begin to express my gratitude to you!  

So while I work on achieving goals 1-15 and continue prepping for my two days and 39 miles of walking, would you please click on the link below and donate!  Thank you!

If you would like to donate please visit my donation page here.  And because we are both walking and soliciting support from some of the same circle of family and friends, if you would like to split your donation between my sister and myself please visit my sister Robin's page here.

Bad Blogger!

I have been a bad blogger, I let Terr-bears new found ability to walk (and thus fall and tumble into seemingly everything) distract me from blogging.  I think I may have foolishly assumed the older he got the easier and more low key our days would be.  Are all the Mom’s reading this laughing yet?  For those of you who don’t spend your days with a toddler, it only gets more hectic and there is no “spare” time.  And naps are made for regrouping, going to the bathroom, eating, chugging coffee, not blogging so much.   I kept telling myself I would blog while I was on vacation, my sister had two weeks off which meant I too had 2 weeks off.  So while I chased after my little bear I assuaged my guilt over not blogging by telling myself I would be a blogging machine once I was off for two weeks.  

And then vacation came and I....went to New Jersey to visit with my bestie, then worked for a few days selling makeup to the pretty ladies, then up to my sisters beach house for a week, then back for a few more days of putting makeup on pretty ladies, and well, no blogging.  No blogging despite the fact that when I would be hovering over my laptop doing important stuff like checking facebook my Mother would cheerfully chirp, “Oh!  Are you writing your blog?”.  Or that while I was on facebook trying to silence my inner voice telling me what a disgrace I was for not blogging, my sweet sister had posted on my wall, “I miss the Butterfly and the Bear!”  So did I!  I just felt like I couldn’t make myself write anything.  However, I did find I truly missed it and despite my sabbatical from the blog I received some funny and kind comments while I was away which made me feel enthusiastic and brought a smile to my face.  

So, I am recommitting myself to number 6 on the list, “Start and maintain a blog.”  When I was visiting my bestie Missy she said, “You can just post a picture and a few comments, it doesn’t always have to be a beautifully crafted essay.”  I know this but I have trouble writing just a small snippet.  However, after 3 weeks of silence I realize that a simple observation would be better than nothing.  So I am back and recommitted, if you’ll have me!

So back in the saddle!  And since I am taking a cold hard look at myself and my obvious tendency towards procrastination, ( this has always been an issue for me, in college I would start 15 page papers at 11:00pm the night before they were due, in theater I would frantically try to memorize my lines at dinner before heading over to practice, why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?  Right?!) I am going to devote tomorrows blog to assessing my progress thus far in achieving my goals on my year long list.  Yikes.  Don’t get me wrong, the goals are on my mind daily, some are more in the forefront than others, but I know them all and I am actively working towards achieving them all.  However, as the last month has reminded me, time waits for no man (or woman) and the clock is ticking, the months are passing.  Am I were I want to be?  Where I need to be to achieve these goals in the time frame I set for myself?  So tomorrow’s blog will be all about accountability and assessing where I am and what I am doing to make my dreams a reality (GULP!).  Wish me luck!  

Put 'Em Up!

 When I was younger my Mother bought me and my sisters beach towels, each one had a different cartoon character on it so there would be no arguments over which towel belonged to who, we would know our towel by our character.  My towel was Bugs Bunny, my sister Robin’s towel was Yosemite Sam.  My older sisters and I thought this was hilariously appropriate considering the fact that Robin had red hair and a “mean” temper, similar to Yosemite Sam himself!  The fact is she didn’t really have a temper, however, tell a ten year old redheaded girl she resembles a small, angry, mustachioed man firing his pistols in the air and you will see someone blow a gasket.  I mean really, what little girl doesn’t want to look like that?!  

The fact is I am the one who feels like Yosemite Sam today.  I feel as if I am walking around half cocked with my pistols in the air ready to fire.  Forget a case of the “mean reds”, I have a case of the violent reds.  That man at the grocery store who parked in the space clearly marked “reserved for people with small children”, well as he nonchalantly and cavalierly strolled into the store I slashed his tires.  All of them.  The lady in the frozen food section squawking loudly on her phone?  I ripped it from her hands, threw it to the floor and even though it was smashed to pieces, I ground the heel of my shoe into it for good measure before stomping away.  Then the teenage boy who strolled past me and my Terr-bear in his stroller, carelessly swinging his lacrosse stick perilously close to us...well I tore it from his hands and cracked it in half over my knee.  Then for good measure I threw the two splintered halves out into oncoming traffic.  

Ok, I didn’t actually do any of the above.   But I did imagine indulging in these aggressive acts, vividly.  Acting out on these wonderfully wicked fantasies would be insane under any circumstances and particularly disturbing considering I have a 13 month old in tow.  As I sit here writing about how truly insane I feel, I hear my Mother’s voice in my head admonishing me to keep the blog positive.  Some days it just isn’t there.  There are days when I feel much more Yosemite Sam than Pollyanna.  What is amazing to me is I can be in a completely foul mood but one smile from Terr-bear can lift my spirits.  Luckily he is literally the apple of my eye and even though every stranger I encounter seems to be eliciting my ire, he is like a salve for my soul.  

Despite the fact that I have valium in the form of a 13 month old boy to calm and soothe me, I was trying to figure out why I am feeling so ferocious today.  I settled on two reasons, the first being the simple fact that it is the first day of my monthly gift and as cliched as it sounds, it does sometimes make me more on edge.  The second reason is not so easy to pin down.  I am still getting used to feeling emotions that previously I would have pushed down or soothed with food.  Before if I felt angry or anxious, I would tranquillize myself with a “treat”.  I would literally numb myself with either something sugary or something doughy.  Now, that is not an option.  Exercising, doing some yoga poses, writing, venting, these are my options now.  However, none seem to feel as immediately gratifying as eating ice cream or a slice of pizza, at least at first.  We all know this cycle, many people struggle with food being a crutch, at first it tastes great, you feel better, then you feel awful.  Either you feel too full or just polluted.  The last three months that I have been trying to make lifestyle changes (Ugh I sound so Oprah-y here) I have had to come to terms with my relationship to food and the way my moods are affected by food.  I have to actually allow myself to feel and experience what is bothering me and then work through it, not numb it down with food.  I guess I figured that since I had admitted I used food as a crutch I had won the battle.  In fact I have previously posted about how throughout my life I have medicated myself with food.  However, I am clearly still a work in progress, I suppose it will always be an issue for me, not something I can easily fix and forget.  

So, since it is 95 degrees and humid out, I simply didn’t feel like going for a long walk or doing some yoga poses right now.   And I’m afraid if I were to go all renegade on a bunch of rude and oblivious strangers I may end up in the clink, (and while Terr-bear looks good in stripes, I simply do not) instead I sat down and wrote this.  And I feel better!  The guns are back in their holsters, Yosemite Sam has left the building.  

Everything's Fine

This past weekend I met some of my girlfriends from college at an inn and spa in Pennsylvania for a girls weekend.  It was long over due and difficult to orchestrate with everyones crazy schedules, however, after many emails back and forth, we finally made it happen!  And it was well worth it.  Some of these ladies I hand’t seen in over 4 years, and yet once we were all back together it felt effortless, it was fun and we all slipped back into our old familiar roles. 

Laura is the stalwart.  She is always a riot, always up for a laugh and a drink.  She was the first person I befriended freshman year and we stuck together all four years.  I count her among on of my closest friends to this day.  We can go months without seeing each other but immediately slip back into our usual banter.  We bicker like sisters, make fun of each other, laugh our heads off and support one another.  She and I used to drive to and from college together during school breaks and we still seem to find ourselves carpooling for hours on end.  The only thing that can make 7 hours of traffic bearable is laughing and talking smack about the old days with her. 

The mother hen: Michelle.  In college her room was like an oasis, a stocked fridge, candles lit, calm music playing and she always offered sage advice.  Her room was where we went when we had a problem, when we needed to escape the chaos of dorm life or just to chat and get some peace and quiet. As adults she is the organizer, the one who keeps us all in touch, who helps orchestrate our visits.  She greeted us all this weekend with personalized notes, letting us each know individually what she appreciated about us and our friendship.  For years after we graduated it was Michelle who would compile all the happenings in our lives and sent out a “Rosie Newsletter” updating us all on engagements, promotions, new homes, and any news going on in our circle of friends. 

Lynn is the chameleon.  In college she looked like the shy, sweet quiet catholic school girl, now she looks like the patient and reserved mother of a one year old.  However, what is always so surprising about Lynn is she manages to say the most outrageous things.  Just when you think you’ve crossed the line and said something totally scandalous she tops you.  And she has the ability to sneak up on you and stealthily out creep you.  With her you never see it coming, one minute she is there smiling sweetly, the next she is blowing your mind. We roomed together this weekend and in our otherwise lovely suite was a weird set of crow statues.  Several times throughout the weekend she managed to sneak up on me and startle me with these damn birds.  Of course when I went to pack up my things one of them was in my bag, the other sat perched on my laptop. 

The quiet one: Lisa.  Again, this one can be deceiving, you think maybe she’s not really listening, she isn’t fully engaged, then she says some funny aside or one liner that lets you know she’s in on it and she’s been listening the whole time.  She will say a line from a private joke you had 10 years before, she will remind you of a hilarious and embarrassing story you thought everyone had forgotten.  

The kid sister: Katie.  Katie is Lynn’s younger sister who also went to school with us and is beyond hilarious.  Having the Packuska sisters together is always a good time, and Katie always manages to keep things a little more classy.  When we start to slip into total obnoxiousness she helps elevate the group.  It doesn’t hurt that she also has a wicked sense of humor and is a fantastic story teller. 

And I guess I am the joker, or as Lisa said to me as we got into the car, “You are a one woman show, you do realize that?”  I am perhaps a wee bit too loud, I like to make fun of everyone, and myself.  When my friend Michelle proposed a toast and spoke sincere, heartfelt and kind words about our gathering I was the one who snickered, “WAIT!  Are you crying?!!!”  fast forward to a half hour later and I was the one proposing a toast that I was barely able to articulate due to the fact I was full on crying, which then of course turned into maniacal laughing at how absurd I am. 

The third person: Michelle’s partner Christy.  She went to college with us but was two years behind us and she is the one who will tell us we are insane, her laughing combined with an incredulous head shake only spurs our lunacy along further.  Having someone who knows us but can step outside and look in is rather entertaining to have around, she is the one who said, “You’re drunk” after my tearful speech, and she is the one who will remind us we are being obnoxiously loud in the restaurant.   She is almost like the narrator of the story, she can step back and comment on the insanity going on around her. 

We went to dinner, drank too much, reminisced about the old days, caught up on the present day and what was going on in everyones lives...drank some more.  Plans for Karaoke and dancing were abandoned in favor of going back to the Inn and hanging out in the suite to gossip, laugh, and of course drink some more.  We stayed up way too late and I talked until I almost lost my voice, just like we were in college all over again.  The next morning we all had breakfast together at the inn before setting off in various directions.  For over two hours we all listened as each of us opened up about where we are in our lives at the moment.  We talked about Lynn’s job, how challenging, exhausting and heartbreaking it can be to work with troubled children and how difficult it is to leave it all behind when she gets home to her husband and toddler at night.  We spoke about Laura’s husbands hospital scare a few months back and how she juggled 3 young children while battling her fear and anxiety over what may happen to him.  We discussed Michelle and how she deals with Rheumatoid arthritis on a daily basis and how she balances a heavy work schedule and her health.  Lisa talked about packing up her home and moving in the midst of her job giving her more responsibility and the stress piling up while she raises two young children.  And sadly our other “Rosie”  Colleen was unable to join us for the weekend because her Grandmother had just passed away.  As I listened to the struggles they face on a daily basis, the stress they carry I thought to myself, “I will never complain about working in retail again.”  I was in awe of how these girls I met in college had grown up to be such amazing women, how they handled life's stresses and pressure with such grace and humor. I was proud of and impressed with each of them. 

Finally after much reluctance we realized it was 20 minutes past checkout and we said our goodbyes.  Laura and I got in the car and as we pulled away from the inn and left the weekend behind she commented, “Wow, we all have adult problems now, big girl issues.”  She’s right, we all have our issues, we all have times of stress, anxiety, and fear.  We all are short on time and spread too thin, however, I am so very happy we all were able to put the real world aside for a weekend and take the time to come together to laugh, reminisce, and support each other.  Virginia Wolf said, “Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends.”  Is there anything as comforting, as familiar and as reassuring as old friends?  I hope my other “Rosies” found the weekend as restoring, entertaining and ridiculously fun as I did.