The Butterfly and the Bear

What's Your Theme Song?

Today I was chatting with my sister and she remarked that she was having a stressful day at work the other day and she realized she needed to change her "theme song" in her head.  She couldn't remember what was playing but it was something frenetic and stressful along the lines of the flying monkey song in The Wizard of Oz.  "I've got to change my theme song!"  She exclaimed.

It made me realize that just like when we were younger and were coiffing for a big night out, or prepping for a good workout, or joyriding after we just got our license, music was and is so key to setting our mood and the tone for our experiences.  If our internal "theme song" is negative, or fraught and frenzied, then it is most likely reflecting how we feel, maybe even setting the the tone and directing our emotions, showing the world where we are in our lives "movie montage".  And most likely everyone around us is picking up on the beat and feeling it too, good or bad.  

In my 20's if I was out at a bar that was lame and feeling bored, my friend and I would watch the door and assign a "theme song" to every guy that walked in. (Try it sometime, it is actually very entertaining and rather funny.  Throw in some vodka and it becomes downright hilarious.)  Is he strutting to the Bee Gees  "Staying Alive"?  (In which case you should become suddenly interested in your drink as he walks by because this one thinks he's pretty fabulous and probably resembles one of the guys from the Jersey Shore in 20 years).  Or is he skulking along to Radiohead's "Creep"? (Again, become engrossed in your friends unexpectedly very interesting convo and do not make eye contact, this one is about as fun as a bag of bricks.)  Same goes for "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred, (Link omitted purposefully, I mean, do any of us really want that drivel stuck in our heads all day?) way too easy and totally unoriginal, therefore making it completely "unsexy".  Now if he enters in slow motion, with it appearing as if a wind machine is whipping though his hair with ANY Duran Duran song playing as his theme song, well, you have a total sexy beast on your hands, make moves fast.  (You think I'm joking, I'm actually dead serious.  Truly.)  For years my brother-in-law had Usher's "Yeah Yeah" playing on a loop in his head.  As cheesy as I think Usher is, this is a brilliant theme song.  It totally gets you amped and psyched. (I also love the mental picture of my brother-in-law getting ready for a big meeting and pausing in the doorway to hum a few bars of "Yeah Yeah" to himself.)  During the Avon Walk I had "Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves" on a loop in my head.  That was my jam right there and it totally kept me motivated during that time.

Since I am gearing up to run a 5K (Theoretically, I mean, I haven't actually gotten to the actual running part yet, so...)  I enlisted the help of my friend Katie who has become my running guru (Who knew anything about heart rate monitors?  Or wearing TWO bras!  Who knew??!)  I asked her for some ideas for a running mix and true to form she sent me this amazingly thorough list of songs, songs I wouldn't have thought of but when I saw them on her list was like, "Hell yeah!" (How perfectly amazing is a list that includes both Bon Jovi and Frou Frou?  Perfection M'lday, perfection!)  So as I set out to make my "running" mix I am also setting out to make my life mix.  I want it to be powerful, fun, energetic, upbeat, and a little sexy.  We all need a good theme song for our lives, right?  We need to be putting out rhythms that others can feel and that set the tone for how we want to live, how we want to be perceived.  Are we confident, happy, positive, excited?  Or are we marching to the beat of a sad song?  

What is your life "theme song"?  While I figure out mine, I'd love to hear what yours are! 

 

 

Blind Faith

Like most of the world I feel complete horror, helplessness and empathy  for the millions affected and suffering through what has happened in Japan.  Additionally, over the last few days of being glued to the television and compulsively checking CNN.com, I am also becoming uncomfortable with the unanswered questions that are swirling around in my head.  I’m uneasy with the idea that a benevolent God would allow such suffering.  The God I grew up praying to and know and love is kind, is all loving and giving, therefore I am struggling to reconcile what is happening in Japan with my idea of God.

I feel rather schizophrenic, like I am two persons inhabiting one brain right now.  It is as if my id, ego and superego are in constant argument in my head.  There is the  “adult” me and the “child” me.  The child in me keeps asking the adult in me the difficult questions like, “But, why if God created the earth would he make it so imperfect?  Why do natural disasters occur then?  Why so much suffering?  Why must earthquakes (terrible and destructive in their own right) also then cause tsunami's?  And while we're at it, why does cancer exist?”  The adult in me has no answers and naturally gets frustrated by the endless stream of unanswerable questions, so I just shush myself and turn off the news and attempt to distract my childish self.   “Oh, look here, Keeping up with the Kardashians is on, that’s much better than CNN!”.  

I guess I want concrete answers.  I want someone to blame.  As juvenile and simpleminded as it may seem, I want to know who the “bad guys” are in this scenario.  Hitler= bad guy, Genghis Khan=bad guy, Pol Pot=bad guy.  When a bad guy causes human suffering, behind the fear there is still the sense that we can stop it, we can control it, if we take certain measures and precautions we can avoid evil and suffering.  But how can we avoid an earthquake followed then by a tsunami?  I want to know what to do, where to go, how to live in such a way that I can insure the safety of those I love.  Isn’t that what we all want?  So how do we explain what happened in Japan?  Or in Chile last year?  Or Haiti?  This list goes on.  How and why do these horrific disasters happen when we have an all loving and all powerful God?  I suppose this is where the term blind faith comes from?  I am blessed to have a strong faith.  Despite all these puerile questions floating through my head at the moment, it is my faith and prayer that keeps me sane and hopeful.  

I went to church today and felt so conflicted, I wanted the priest to address the congregation and say something about what is going on in Japan.  I guess I wanted him to give us answers.  He knows God better than I do, surely he has some inside answers!  As inane as it sounds I suppose I secretly wished the priest would announce from the pulpit that he had just spoken to God that morning and had obtained answers as to why such horror and tragedy exist in our world.   Instead we prayed for the victims when we prayed for our petitions.  I wanted more, which of course is unfair, the priest is only human, he doesn’t have a direct line to God, but I just wanted some reassurance I guess.  Again I felt like a petulant child.  I vacillated between anger and confusion.  I wanted to be angry but then felt enormous guilt when the priest reminded us to thank God for all our blessings.  How can I be angry?  I have so much, so many blessings.  So then I was struck with that terrible mix of guilt and anger.  Even as I write this I am thinking to myself, “What are you hoping to accomplish with this?  You are no expert on faith, or natural disasters, what are you doing?”  I lack the eloquence and understanding to properly convey the sadness and grief I and so many are feeling right now for the people of Japan.  I guess I am just putting my thoughts, fears and love out into the universe and hoping that somehow my prayers, my empathy and my intentions help the people who are suffering right now in Japan.  That those who have lost a loved one are not alone in their sorrow, that the medics and rescue teams somehow have the strength to continue on despite what must be physically and emotionally exhausting circumstances, that more survivors are found and brought to safety, that the people of Japan can feel love and compassion from the rest of the world.  That blind faith and prayers are enough because right now it’s all I seem to have.  Love, prayers and blessings to the people of Japan and to those suffering all around the world. 

If you’d like to help:

The American Red Cross

Unicef