I have always been a little dichotomous in nature. I believe I’m a good person, I try to be good at least. I am actually rather black and white when it comes to right and wrong. I go to church, I donate to charity, I want to be nice. And I truly wish the best for people. And yet....I do love a good old fashioned fall from grace. I like when someone gets their comeuppance. The starlet who didn’t have to work for it, she’s got the body, the boyfriend, living the dream. But she’s not the nicest, a little too vain, a little too privileged. I can’t help but feel some satisfaction and dare I say a little jolt of glee when I hear her second (or was it third) DUI has landed her in prison.
I’m embarrassed to say my enthusiasm for gossip is not limited to celebrities. Working in cosmetics I learned a thing or two about gossip. Work all day 5 or 6 days a week with women and gay men and you come to realize gossip is currency. It is like a drug for those people. The fastest way to ingratiate yourself into that crowd is to drop a juicy nugget airily into a conversation and then float away leaving them wanting more. Be the first to know the details, and divulge, and you will be the most sought after eventually. It’s not so fun when the tables are turned, however. When someone is spilling the beans about you, (especially when it is your floor manager). I was shocked when I took over managing an installation at a prominent NYC store how much gossiping was not only permitted but encouraged and sometimes committed by the department heads and store managers themselves. I felt like I had stepped back into Junior High School. When I’d smile and said “Hello” to people I would hear through the proverbial grapevine how I was “too chipper” and “a goody goody” What?! Uhm we are all adults here, right? I literally had no friends for the first few months I worked there. I came in, worked ridiculously hard for way too many hours and came home. I would hear rumblings about how I was so serious and focused, straitlaced and prudish. Me?!!. I know, right. I remember feeling like the lunatics were running the asylum. How had I become the odd man out? Then one day a handsome tall gent from another cosmetics line waltzed over and actually started a conversation with me. I was floored. Didn’t he know I was a pariah in these parts? Lucky for me he didn’t care and was (and still is) perhaps one of the most hilarious people I have ever met. We became fast friends and of course we would laugh about how before he met me he had heard about how uptight and prim I was. I finally had a friend! Hurray! And what did we do on our lunch breaks and on our Blackberry’s all day? Talk shit about everyone in that department of course. I felt like I had every right to, after all they didn't appreciate how funny, smart, and all around fabulous I was and now it was my turn to turn it back on them. So this is the point in the story where I take over the place and become Queen Bee right? Not quite. My cattiness just raised their cattiness up a notch and made for an even more hostile environment. Suddenly I had people coming up to me and purring in my ear how they’d "loooooove to go to lunch" with me or meet me for drinks and wasn't I just "fabulous" and "darling" only to hear through the grapevine that they had been talking smack about me as well. Gossiping and back stabbing was like a sport for these people and I was way out of my league. Whereas before I was just focused on working hard and didn’t bother mixing with the natives, now on almost a daily basis I would be stopped in the hall, the restroom, locker room, stockroom, pretty much everywhere by someone either wanting to gossip or wanting to face off regarding some perceived slight. It was downright exhausting and made getting my work done ten times harder. And it made me feel gross, I felt like when I left at the end of the day I had to shake off all the muck and mire of gossip.
I remember finally my last day there arrived, I left on a Friday and that Monday I started taking care of Terr bear and I thought, “What planet was I on for the last 8 months?” It had only been 3 days away from that environment but I felt like it had happened years ago. It seemed so trivial, vapid and vacuous, especially when I looked at this sweet little 4 month olds face. I literally felt like I had broken free from the asylum. It made all the gossiping and social climbing seem that much more absurd and banal. Obviously now I realize how childish and immature it was for me to allow myself to join all of the other cosmetic divas in their gossiping and to stoop to their level, all I can say for myself is at the time I was beyond stressed out and apparently suffered from some variation of Stockholm syndrome. It was like Lord of the Flies out there and I was just trying to survive people! Nevertheless I am embarrassed that I let the rumors get to me and that for a short time I was as bad as all the other sales floor gossip mongers. My question is this, obviously gossiping about people we know, work with, or are friends with is detrimental, it is mean spirited and negative. What about gossiping about people we don’t know? Is it wrong to pick apart Lindsey and Paris? Is it detrimental to ourselves and our own worth if we indulge in celebrity gossip? This I am still trying to figure out. As I mentioned in a previous post I am a complete gossip hound, I love eating up all that mental junk food. It is like brain candy, I can put my issues and problems aside and roll my eyes at their latest snafu, entertain myself with their wild tales while knowing I would NEVER do what they did. It is win-win, I get entertainment and I get to feel superior all at once. But is it conducive to being a kind, positive person? This I am trying to figure out.
I WANT to be good, but I also can’t reconcile how to be witty and funny without a little bit of cynicism and wit. Have you ever known someone who was once hilarious and then something in their lives changes, they are born again or find God, or they sober up and quit drinking, or even something as simple as they become a parent and all of the sudden they are no longer fun? It’s like a switch was flipped and they were no longer allowed to be funny. Is there anything more infuriating when you are trying to really let loose and vent to someone and their response is, “Be nice.” NO! I don’t want to be nice right now! I want to verbally rip this person to shreds and you are acting like Mother Theresa! I want to be a kinder, more thoughtful person but I don’t want to be BORING. In the meantime while I try to figure it out I will set boundaries, no snarky comments about people I know and love, ever, that simply breeds negativity and eats away at our relationship. And no gossip mongering when it comes to acquaintances and real people. However, I may have successfully cut carbs and sugar from my diet, I cannot just yet cut out the mental junk food. I love nothing more than ripping on celebs with my sister when she gets home from work, we will be talking about our day and Access Hollywood will be on in the background and we will tune in and out and comment on the stories before returning to talking about our lives. We'll go off on a tangent and have a good laugh before returning to our own real world issues. For us it is a vapid little respite in a sometimes stressful world. This little indulgence I will keep for now.
Ok, first of all I love this post. Having said that and been nice, please do not ever, ever, ever again compare yourself to Kathy Lee Gifford. That woman is a fame mongoring, name dropping disgrace. She is way to loud (which you are not) and the reason she does not gossip is beacause if she did someone might say "hello pot, this is kettle calling, your black" as for the gossip I read a quote recently that I really liked "poor minds talk about people average minds talk about events great minds talk about ideas?" ~Elanor Roosevelt. Pretty deep huh?
Posted by: Claire | 06/24/2010 at 01:03 PM
Of course! You're absolutely allowed to gossip about celebrities! If we weren't talking about them, they wouldn't be famous. Our gossip & interest in them is the reason half of them are famous. Forget talent! So few have that these days. In a nutshell, our gossip sessions pay their bills. So gossip away!
Posted by: Alison Greenspon | 06/24/2010 at 01:11 PM
Its very brave of you to admit that not only do you like Kathie Lee, but you relate to her??? I'll begin my search for a a 12-step program or support group!! LOL! *wink, wink*
Posted by: Kim | 06/24/2010 at 06:56 PM
Don't ever change.
Posted by: Bunny | 06/24/2010 at 10:48 PM