Regular Birds

I woke up this morning feeling slightly panicked.  What was I going to write about today??!  I hand’t quit diet coke (it is the sweetest nectar of the gods!  I am powerless!!!) I hand’t run a 5K, clearly I am not yet a web maven or a yogi.  I haven’t done ANYTHING!  Then I danced around the living room with Terr-bear and relaxed. Forget xanax, dancing with a baby while sniffing their lovely little head is perhaps the most calming and soothing remedy around.  I realized I was being way too literal.  My goal going into this was to write 5 days a week, Monday through Friday, make it a priority and make it fun.  One day at a time, right?  I was being far too narrow minded when it came to my expectations, every day isn’t going to be a proclamation or a major revelation.  I am working on achieving my goals, not actually achieving them all in a week. 

I have always been oddly literal.  Especially as a child.  When I was 5 I heard my Mother refer to the “Kiddie Pool” at a hotel we were staying at and for the remainder of the vacation harassed her to please take me to “the cats water”.  In school the combination of me being very literal and also spacey with a tendency to zone in and out of what the teacher was be saying made for some interesting hijinks.  We had a boy who had moved to the U.S. from Australia.  He got up in front of the class and told us about life in Australia, there were aborigines, koala bears running wild!  Vast dusty farmlands, men would hunt wild turkey and boar for their families meals!  It sounded awful to me, I’ll stay in America where we have TV and my Mom buys our food at the grocery store, thank you very much.  I actually felt kind of sorry for him, he must have trouble conforming to the ways of our civilized society! After his presentation he passed out a “traditional" snack from his homeland, one that his Mother often gave him when he came home from school, it was white bread with cake icing and sprinkles.  Hunh?!  I was perplexed. Here I thought he was going to give us some beetroot to gnaw on, but this bread concoction, this was good stuff!  So, when Mrs. Kobe asked if anyone had any questions for him, my hand shot up.  “I don’t understand, if your Dad has to go into the outback to kill your dinner and you live in mud huts, uhm, how does your mother get white bread and icing with sprinkles?”  to which the young Aussie replied, “Are you calling me an animal?!  Like I’m so some sort of aborigine or something?!!”  He looked ENRAGED!  At this point my teacher cut in and gently explained, “Mandy, I think you are confused, he was telling us about Australia in the 1800’s, not modern day Australia." Ohhhhhhhhhh, that made SOOO much more sense!  Apparently I was staring out the window trying to remember the words to Summer Night’s in my head when that portion of the presentation was covered.  

That same year we learned about birds, all the different species and types of lovely birds native to our area.  My Mother and I would often sit in our dinning room looking out the windows and she’d point out different types of birds to me. I loved Cardinals, Blue Jays and of course Red Breasted Robins, so I was PSYCHED for this assignment, I was going to blow Mrs. Kobe’s mind with my bird knowledge. So that afternoon, I go home, pencil and paper in hand and bird watch.  After an hour I was like come on!  Not one Robin, Cardinal, or Blue Jay, BORING.  The next day when I was called upon to report my findings I stood up and said with regret, “Well, my bird watching wasn’t very interesting, they were all regular birds.”  To which my teacher responded, “I’m sorry, regular birds?  I don’t understand.”  To which I matter-of-fact-ly replied, “You know, regular birds, not blue Jays, not Robin’s, just the boring old regular birds.  Nothing special.”  To which she responded, “I believe you mean finches, perhaps?  The little grey birds common around here?”  Sure, whatever, call ‘em what you want, they’re regular compared to the others.  At least in my mind.  Wow.  Was it any wonder that the next year my third grade teacher submitted me for evaluation to the school psychologist, she thought I was mildly autistic.  Awesome.  

I can still be surprisingly insensible and will at times have tunnel vision when it comes to certain tasks.  The other day my sister showed me how to use the diaper genie.  Uhm, I’ve been using it for the last 6 months, or so I thought.  Apparently if you don’t push the diaper past a certain point they all clog up in the top.  So my sister has been coming home from work to a can stopped up with dirty diapers.  FABULOUS.  I consider myself a fairly intelligent person, but sometimes I get lost in my own head and don’t see what is obvious to everyone else.  No one is expecting me to achieve my goals overnight (you’re NOT expecting that, right??) I just have to repeat my mantra over and over, “It’s all about the journey, it’s all about the journey.”

But, I did it!  I wrote a post today!  Jumpy claps all around!  However, I will make a small proclamation, I am going to drink 8 glasses of water today.  No iced tea or diet coke, all water.  Quiting diet coke I am saving for the weekend.  I may need to lock myself in a padded room for 48 hours to make that happen.  

Comments

[Paul LaBarbera Jr.]

I love how seamlessly you flow between clear-as-day introspection and really funny comedy.

Between this and the Daily Dose, you're one of the highlights of the interwebs.

[Missy]

Were you trying to think of Richard Marx's "Endless Summer Nights". That's a song I can really drive to. All of this stuff just means you are a dreamer, you can't be bothered to take in the boring stuff because you are too busy thinking creatively. Personally, I think that's a good thing! I can't believe the teachers thought you were autistic. That is so freaking hilarious!!

p.s. why do you have Martha Stewart listed as one of your interests?

[Sarah]

Those diaper genies are crap. I stopped using it. My belief is that it is one of those things they get first time parents to buy. The pros just put each diaper in dog poopie bag and throw it out with the rest of the garbage:)

[Claire]

I laughed out loud. You are amazing!

[Manda]

Thanks for the props everyone! Made my day!! Missy actually I was refering to Summer Nights form Grease. I used to imagine my seven year old self as Sandy, no the "good" Sandy, but the one at the end rocking the painted on leather pants. However, I fully agree, any Richard Marx song is the Jam, def something i can drive to. And why is Martha listed as one of my interests?? Is that a rhetorical question?? Uhm, because she's awesome. xoxo

[Eileen McCorry]

I laughed out loud too! Looking forward to your next one.

[Khira]

I can totally relate to your "literal-ness." I was the kid that thought the cops were going to come get us when we drove past the "do not pass sign." Did I mention I thought this up until 16 years old and when my dad was teaching me to drive I asked him why we always pass that sign if its illegal? My point being, your blogs are totally relateable and hilarious..love reading them! oh, and p.s. dancing with a baby really is the best stress reliever around!!

[Michelle]

http://mightygirl.com/2010/05/19/how-to-write-your-life-list-10-simple-tips-for-a-better-life/

Great link on life lists.

Keep writing for yourself chica, the rest of us are just along for the ride.

[wil-e]

Diaper Genies are nauseating- like a big stink worm when you clean them out. The funny thing about relaxing is the more you try the less relaxed you are, it is that whole be in the moment thing. Very trickey until you get it. Like riding a bike I suppose.